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There Are Only Three Reasons I Wake Up At 5 AM: To Fuck, To Vomit, Or To Catch A Flight

September 14, 2011

This morning I caught a flight to Chicago. I have never been to the Midwest, but entering it went rather smoothly. In the airport ( Laguardia–the linoleum encrusted shitbox of NYC) we saw a woman making out with her cat. This if after I (who stupidly forgot to put on socks) had to walk barefoot through security. I am pretty sure I have food aids now. FAIDS.

The Spirit Airlines gate agent also fancied himself a comedian–luckily we sat far enough away that we could barely make out his sarcastic Janeane (sp) Garofalo early morning satire. They charged us 40 FUCKING dollars to carry on a bag. There was no inflight service–and soda and ramen noodles were 3 dollars each. I am not joking. The bitchy brown toothed flight attendant basically waterboarded a little asian woman for wanting to bring her Bed Bath and Beyond purchases aboard. She did everything except make chink eyes and say “I no understand ching chong ching chong.”

The one good thing I will say about Spirit Airlines is that I slept through the flight. Fuck that shitbox.

I came here with my friend Bryce and her friend Margot. We have only been here a few hours but I am already having a blast, eating creampuffs and shopping. Staying at the Sax Hotel which is way more upscale than I am used to. So I put on my velvet leggings and stretched out. Its cocktail time. I will keep you updated.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. kjew permalink
    September 15, 2011 8:42 PM

    You should go to the Wiener Circle in Lincoln Park!

    • September 16, 2011 2:22 PM

      haha the wiener circle sounds like my fondest dream

  2. September 24, 2011 9:52 AM

    “We perceive when love begins and when it declines by our embarrassment when alone together.” ~ Jean de la Bruyere


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