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Things To Watch If You Are High: Where Are You Now, By Rihanna

May 2, 2012

I believe that Rihanna is a pothead. My reasoning is as follows:

Rihanna is from Barbados. Barbados is a tropical Island (as far as I know without bothering to google). On tropical islands there is nothing else to do except smoke weed.

Rihanna thinks that dressing like Goldie Hawn in Overboard (after she was rescued by Kurt Russell from the sea). Only someone perpetually stoned would dare to wear Taylor Momsen couture paired with skin the color of a Toblerone bar. Not to be racist, but you really can’t be white trash if you aren’t white.

Rihanna doesn’t actually have an accent. What they don’t tell you is that she was born in Barbados, but was quickly transplanted to Reno, Nevada since her forehead was too massive to viably sustain itself on an island. That corny islander bongo-shell Bob Marley Cool Runnings accent is just a side effect of too many smoky nights shirtless on a beach with Matthew McConaughey.

Anyway, here is her video for Where Have You Been. It has been suggested to me, that this video is best watched while under the influence. That is, of course, unless you live above it.

Or whatever those right wing anti-drug PSA’s that actually make less sense than Rihanna’s role in Battleship, would have you believe.

My last shred of evidence of Rihanna’s drug abuse is the video itself:

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