The Seven Food Groups Of The Stereotypical Gay Man

Penis is the basis of any gay man’s food group triangle, obviously. But what else does it take to keep a stereotypical gay man fufilled?

A gym membership. Alcohol. A fat girlfriend. A tongue piercing. A rainbow sticker or necklace, worn right when  you come out of the closet. A razor for your balls. Porn. Bleached hair, at least once. Britney, Whitney, Madonna or Mariah. Expensive sunglasses. Drug experimentation. Group sex. A Geo Tracker. A share in Fire Island, Rehobeth Beach or P-Town. Attendance at a white party. A binge. A purge. Colorful underwear that looks like sporty panties. An uncomfortable conversation with your parents. A fantasy about your high school math teacher, gardener, or little league coach. Great relationships with big, loud, black girls. Accounts on adam4adam, manhunt, gay.com, or grindr.

And lastly, but most importantly, motherfucking BRUNCH.