The Hangover Diaries: Dubstep Trannies, Construction Zones, And Champagne Shots

I am just now getting out of bed at 1: 30 PM if that is any indication of how last night went. Lately i’ve been on a kick where I want to do different things and hang out with different people, so needless to say I went out at 11:30 last night stone cold sobes.

That didn’t last long.

Nadia is talking to this DJ guy, who is actually pretty fucking awesome. The thing I love about being friends with a girl (and I use that term loosely since she has a penis) is that their boyfriends always feel the need to be chivalrous. That translates to free drinks. I got faced pretty early on.

We started at Ninth Avenue Saloon for cheap drinks where I was able to parlay my nipples hanging out of my tank top into good bar service. I met up with a guy who I hooked up with 9 years ago from Florida, so it was basically a double date except me and Nadia were having too much fun with each other and left the boys out. Then we went to the Ritz, which was fucking packed and played great music. We met up with Chris Ryan, Nathan Kelly and JoeLee from the Boys group,  and I had a champagne shot which is against my rules, since mixing champagne and liquor basically guarantees my brain will feel like a 5’3″porn star’s vagina after a big black bukkake gang-bang. Nadia was pretty much giving her guy a blowie on the dance floor when she wasn’t break-dancing to dub-step. We stopped by Posh to basically pee in the corner and ended up at Industry, which is normally a black hole that sucks us in every weekend, but since I haven’t been there in a while it counts as doing something different.

Can I just say that the cunty bartenders at Industry can kiss my puckered asshole?

I guess I can say it, because I just did.

Then, Nadia and I ditched the guys in favor of breaking into a construction site and stealing a hard hat and vest. We got more fucked up, watched an iTunes visualizer for about 30 minutes listening to Lana Del Rey and fell asleep in the closet wearing a hard hat while doing my own personal version of a lip sync for your life while Nadia sat on the kitchen floor eating me out of house and Corn Pops.

Last weekend was a great kickoff for the summer season. So far, this weekend has been the perfect follow up.