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Tattoos So Awful That They are Awesome. And Vice Versa

February 25, 2011

Tattoos are like babies. Some are beautiful, some are hideous, but both are permanent.  You get tired of them really quickly. They both have the potential to ruin your body. And once you have one, you generally want more.

I got my first tattoo to celebrate my 21st birthday with my sister. It is a stylized “G” that I designed myself. Oh, and if you turn it upside down it looks like a flamingo.(FL) I fucking hate it.

But I want more.

All I can say is thank god this world is full of passionate idiots or I would have nothing to write about. But many times a tattoo can be so bad that its amazing and others can be so awesome that its bad. I have ranked and rated these photos myself. Please feel free to do the same, because tattoos–like art, cocaine use, and safe sex is subjective.




Yes, the majority of the reason I like this is so that every time I gave a beej my suitor could say “That was a real masterpiece.” But I just want to applaud whoever was ballsy enough to get someone stick a needle in their tongue. At Starbucks I literally order “warm chocolate” or “hot tea with ice cubes in it” because as you know, burning your tongue is worse than the holocaust and 2 and a half men combined.










I am sorry, but if your child is this ugly having a memorial of her inked into your skin is the last thing you should do. She looks like she is plotting to overthrow the staff at the mental institution where she was put for constantly defecating and smearing it in her Sandra Bullock Bangs.







There comes a time in every mans life when he has to lose a limb to a shark. Why not memorialize it forever with a tattoo. Its called having a sense of humor, people! When I lose my leg to syphilis I am planning to get a tattoo of John Mayer on it so I can always remember that some things in life just suck.




There are few things that disgust me more than when a cat comes up to you, arches its back and presents its dirty little asshole for your inspection. Getting a tattoo of Garfields pooper on your belly is an anti-drug PSA if I have ever seen one. So do yourself a favor kids–the next time you are high as fuck and think you have a good idea, break out a sharpie and do a test run.








Maybe its because I design websites for a living, but this guy is clearly never going to get laid anyway. It’s not even just the geeky tattoo–its the WWII memorabilia hat from HSN and the wispy Dakota Fanning backbangs. So he should feel free to ink up his body as much as he wants and let his freak flag fly.








I understand getting a tattoo of your family as it is a sacred and permanent thing. But This particular tattoo depicts Rick Moranis dry humping Truman Capote riding Barbra Streisand like shes a fucking show pony.









Because if you are going to have random patches of hair growing on your body like La Bruja then you probably don’t care too much about your appearance anyway. So getting a treasure troll tattooed on your arm probably wont interfere with the meth whores and prostitutes you normally sleep with.







I wanted to end on a high note–because whatever fat middle-aged female QVC addict got this Patrick Swayze monstrocity on her beer keg thigh was most definitely not sober. I am thinking she got boozed up on a couple of bottles of Boones Farm or Boxes of Franzia Blush and decided “The best years of my life (the 80’s)are over, so I might as well commemorate them by getting a centaur with a mullet and rainbows shooting out of his arse (hint: this is an actual photo of Susan Boyle’s thigh) permanently inked on my cellulite.




America, you never cease to amaze me. But as long as there are idiots out there willing to deface their bodies for the sake of what they care about for the next 15 minutes, there will be people like me, willing to make fun of them for it.


3 Comments leave one →
  1. November 18, 2011 8:51 PM

    Gary! This was ACTUALLY funny (and, yes, that’s intended to sound as underhandedly complimentary as it sounds). The Truman Capote and John Mayer line made me lose it.

    – Brad

    • shauna permalink
      March 6, 2012 11:58 PM

      um yeah that tongue one isnt real!!!


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