Posts tagged ‘zombies’
There are many people out there who still use the bible as factual evidence as to why gays shouldn’t be allowed to marry. To me, this is like using The Hunger Games novels as factual evidence of why people shouldn’t name themselves after plants. Did that make sense? Didn’t think so.
Christian extremists (and I use the word extremist because its entirely possibly to practice a religion without infringing on the rights of others) use their faith in God, and the faith in the bible as evidence that gay marriage is wrong. Do you know what I have faith in? That gay marriage will eventually pass, and all this will be a moot point. There is quite literally no possible way gay marriage will not become legal, barring something apocalyptic taking over, like zombies or Michelle Bachmann. My faith is based on the fact that it is a civil right, not a civil privilege to marry whoever you choose.
Faith can be a powerful thing. It can bring you back from the brink of some nasty situations, and provide you with the most important tool that life has to offer: hope. Faith without logic is only half of the puzzle though.
I don’t personally believe in God, but I do know that he wouldn’t have given humans the capacity for logic, if he didn’t intend for us to use it.
That would be like giving Helen Keller a pair of glasses. Sure, she might look nice in them, but she would still be fucking blind.
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I had a disheartening weekend. Just kidding. Actually, I had an amazing weekend. One of the many events we took on was going to Lazertag on Saturday. Frecks, Jmo and I met up with a bunch of other guys for a little weekend afternoon warfare. The disheartening part came when I realized just how much I suck at it. Blame it on the shots of Patron we took beforehand. Blame it on my restricting Stella McCartney gladiator shoes or that damn LaPerla pearl thong that rubbed my taint so raw it looks like Maria Shriver’s face. For whatever reason, when it comes to lazertag my scores were lower than Tara Reid’s credit score.
This bothered me because I always figured in a zombie apocalypse I would be one of the survivors. After some thought though, I realized that maybe my contribution to the zombie apocalypse is about something more than mindless killing. I realized that in the event of the inevitable zombie apocalypse, Jason would be the bloodthirsty, tactical, cold blooded murderer. Frecks would be in charge of the long term plan and the most intelligent course of action. I would be the one that finds us food, shelter, and keeps us alive, since I am more resourceful than Whitney Houston’s cocaine habit.
So my point is this: Read more…
I don’t know where this shirt came from but I want it. Because honestly, and I know a lot of you don’t believe this but its really only a matter of time before zombies attack. Frankly, I would rather have a shirt like this in my arsenal of weapons in case I get into a situation wherein I am entrapped in a bank vault and need to pretend to be one of them in order to get to the helicopter (Olsen Force One driven by Mary Kate) than have to wing it, or cover myself in dead zombie guts like they did in The Walking Dead.
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Frankly, I’d rather be as skinny as a zombie.
Everyone calls babies monsters, and having been around them for a few weeks at this point I am inclined to say that it is 100% true. They don’t just resemble zombies though -
Vampires - Do you know what babies have in common with vampires? They suck the life out of you. Also, my sisters baby is really pale – call me racist (even though its obviously not true) but I expect that all the kids in my family are going to be brown like the rest of us. Her baby looks like an albino beet root. I am inclined to ask her if it’s really hers.
Werewolf - Babies have a lot in common with werewolves actually. One minute they are completely docile creatures, having the time of their lives and the next they are running, screaming, biting, aggravating, Read more…
With all the horrific shit going on in the world today (like Steven Tyler’s face) it is basically a proven fact that very soon there will be a zombie apocalypse. I have had a recurring dream since I was a little kid about a zombie attack that always ends up with me and my family on the roof of our mansion (you know it’s a dream because my trailer is suddenly a mansion) and then I wake up before they eat my brains.
So be prepared. Here is a list of things you will need.
1. Guns. Obviously.
2. Condoms. Obviously. You never know what kind of diseases zombies might have–and chances are if almost the entire world is converted there will be more than a few hot zombies. So play safe, people.
1. Mustaches. I don’t understand what, if anything has ever been attractive about a mustache. The only two times I have been attracted to a guy with a mustache was when it was an ironic pornstache grown as a tribute to famous 70′s pornstaches everywhere (seen on a genuine Williamsburg Hipster) , and when it was on a bulldyke who wanted to seduce me just to prove that she could. (and she did)
2. Sharon Stone. Because growing up in a time when the standard for hot is a coked up skeletal man-eater with teeth in her vagina is the stuff of nightmares.