Posts tagged ‘zombie apocalypse’
First off, I don’t really know why this movie is being made since it isn’t coming out until 2014. By then, the fairy tale trend will most likely be over, not to mention the world will have ended in December from a zombie apocalypse which began in (of all places – home of Morton’s Bath Salts ) Fucking Florida.
I have to say though, that Angelina Jolie’s Sharon stone coke-cutter cheekbones are giving me fashion palpitations. Here is a list of things she could cut with her Gaga/Cutco bone structure:
She could cut a line of blow with baby laxative so potent that Mary Kate’s balls finally drop and she is revealed as the smiegel gremlin-like creature that she is. Nobody feed that fucking thing after midnight.
She could cut Gary Busey’s greasy cigarette cloud meth hair into a fashionable bob a la The Avon Lady in Edward Scissordicks.
She could cut in line at the local CVS, angering the scores of young tweens clambering to buy Justin Bieber’s new perfume, Teenage Twats.
She could cut Linsday Lohan’s life Read more…
Some Considerations For The Impending Zombie Apocalypse
I had a disheartening weekend. Just kidding. Actually, I had an amazing weekend. One of the many events we took on was going to Lazertag on Saturday. Frecks, Jmo and I met up with a bunch of other guys for a little weekend afternoon warfare. The disheartening part came when I realized just how much I suck at it. Blame it on the shots of Patron we took beforehand. Blame it on my restricting Stella McCartney gladiator shoes or that damn LaPerla pearl thong that rubbed my taint so raw it looks like Maria Shriver’s face. For whatever reason, when it comes to lazertag my scores were lower than Tara Reid’s credit score.
This bothered me because I always figured in a zombie apocalypse I would be one of the survivors. After some thought though, I realized that maybe my contribution to the zombie apocalypse is about something more than mindless killing. I realized that in the event of the inevitable zombie apocalypse, Jason would be the bloodthirsty, tactical, cold blooded murderer. Frecks would be in charge of the long term plan and the most intelligent course of action. I would be the one that finds us food, shelter, and keeps us alive, since I am more resourceful than Whitney Houston’s cocaine habit.
Too soon?
So my point is this: Read more…
New Bee Species Discovered in NYC
Beeleave it or not several new species of bees were found in NYC last week. These little buggers (like many species of bee) feed off human and animal sweat, yummy! And if all of that doesn’t interest you either, than how about this…..
These bees are the start of the zombie Apocalypse that we here at Gloganvlog have been preparing for for quite some time. It is this blogger’s belief that these honey bitches from hell are Satan’s little helpers here to transform the worlds population into mindless automatons. Just one sting could be enough to transform into a zombie, so hide ya wife and hide ya kids so you can grab a knife and hide in the fridge.
If You Live For Money, Then You Aren’t Really Living At All
And I will tell you why. If you live for money then you are living towards a future. Maybe you have goals you want to accomplish, or places you want to go. Maybe you decide that you need to buckle down and work hard right now while you are young so that when you are old you can live like a king. The truth is that with the state of our economy (which I know blessedly little about) your money probably won’t be worth much unless it is in YEN. Also, you may be living like a king but you will be a wrinkly saggy old king. Better to drink, fuck, traipse, love, explore, experience, experiment,party, live, and leave as much as you possibly can right now. Tomorrow is never promised–and chances are a zombie apocalypse will eventually destroy the planet anyway. So a few little nuggets of advice:
If you are working 70 hour weeks making someone else rich and completely destroying yourself in the process ask yourself- what is more important? The way other people look at you or the way you look at yourself?
If you are in love, Read more…
We Were Inside Irene And She Made Us Wet
I know a lot of people are disappointed about Hurricane Irene–basically saying that she was as ineffectual as that monstrous orange dress that Beyonce used to announce her pregnancy at the VMA’s. B–congrats on being a mother, but if this is your way of saying that you are going to wear hideous clothes that make you look like an Orangina–newsflash } you have been wearing hideous clothes since you popped out of Tina Knowles Dereon bedazzled cooch. So this is nothing new–just try and stay away from whatever hideous metal studded dental floss booties Tina Knowles attempts to knit for your child.
That was a tangent. More vids after the jump Read more…
The Importance Of A Zombie Contingency Plan
With all the horrific shit going on in the world today (like Steven Tyler’s face) it is basically a proven fact that very soon there will be a zombie apocalypse. I have had a recurring dream since I was a little kid about a zombie attack that always ends up with me and my family on the roof of our mansion (you know it’s a dream because my trailer is suddenly a mansion) and then I wake up before they eat my brains.
So be prepared. Here is a list of things you will need.
1. Guns. Obviously.
2. Condoms. Obviously. You never know what kind of diseases zombies might have–and chances are if almost the entire world is converted there will be more than a few hot zombies. So play safe, people.
