Posts tagged ‘whiskey’
Some Thoughts On Teenage Sex
“If there’s grass on the field, play with my balls.”
-Gloganvlog
Maybe I’m A Gay Snob But…I’m Definitely A Gay Snob
I’m all for, live and let live. But here is the thing, I hate how people tend to look. I’m sure people hate how I look, but they’d be wrong, because I look awesome. And as much as I want to listen to the wise words of Gandalf/Magneto…I just can not do it. I dont frequent gay bars very often. Mostly because I am not deaf, and I would rather not have to listen to the god awful house infused Adele remix.
So last night, I went to where the drinks were pouring freely. I will go to any place if the drinks are free, just for the record. Even if it’s in a dumpster. Club Dumpster. While standing in line, I killed myself 15 times. But I trudged forward because I knew that once I got past all the men in rolled up tiny tan shorts and fucking boat shoes, I would be able to dunk my whole face into whiskey and drown there if I needed to kill myself the 16th time.
The Reasons I Don’t Drink Whiskey
1. I’m not a white middle aged man sitting in a library.
2. I’m not Don Draper (See # 1).
3. I’m not a pirate, or a hooker in 18th Century England.
4. I don’t like throwing up for non-weight related issues.
5. I’m not a lesbian who wants to drink until I grow the balls to bitch my girlfriend out in public for chatting her ex up on facebook.
6. I am not at a parade and it is not daytime.
7. I am not a straight guy in college that doesn’t know any better and thinks that a jack and coke are Read more…
Karma Is A Real Shit Head: The Drinking Diary
So a week ago I made a post about assholes puking in the bar.
Well fuckers, karma has shown it’s ugly head again.
On Friday night after roughly 9000 drinks..
If You Were Looking For A New Way To Shit Your Pants…
I am not entirely certain why you’d be looking for ways to shit your pants. I’m also not certain why this fucking asshole blog wont just let me type NEXT TO THE FUCKING PICTURE. Whatever. The point is this. This show is fucking insane.
1.Whiskey is for middle aged white men that sit in libraries smoking pipes, college frat boys, and big, gruff, angry lesbians.
2.Anyone who knows me knows that the drunk veins on either side of my forehead are the barometers for my drunkeness. When I drink whiskey they pulsate and throb–which attracts vampires. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve woken up at the ass crack of dawn and found my underwear on a coffin beside a note written in blood that says : Dear Jerry, it was fun. You can let yourself out.
Saturday was a Brooklyn shitshow the likes of which I have never remembered. My friend Hambone was in town this weekend–a girl that knew me since 6th grade. A girl that was around when I got my first bowl cut, we celebrated when our home-town first got a GAP, we climbed trees together and she taught me how to shave my armpits–since I had no father around to teach me such things. She was in town for one night only–and we spent it traipsing around Brooklyn. There are some VERY embarrassing pics after the jump. Enjoy. Read more…
Some Shit About Following Your Dreams
Everybody has a dream. Nomi here dreamed of being a showgirl in Las Vegas, and she didn’t care who she had to period fuck or push down the stairs to get there.
I was talking to a friend recently about dreams Read more…
