Posts tagged ‘whiskey’
1. I’m not a white middle aged man sitting in a library.
2. I’m not Don Draper (See # 1).
3. I’m not a pirate, or a hooker in 18th Century England.
4. I don’t like throwing up for non-weight related issues.
5. I’m not a lesbian who wants to drink until I grow the balls to bitch my girlfriend out in public for chatting her ex up on facebook.
6. I am not at a parade and it is not daytime.
7. I am not a straight guy in college that doesn’t know any better and thinks that a jack and coke are Read more…
I am not entirely certain why you’d be looking for ways to shit your pants. I’m also not certain why this fucking asshole blog wont just let me type NEXT TO THE FUCKING PICTURE. Whatever. The point is this. This show is fucking insane.
2.Anyone who knows me knows that the drunk veins on either side of my forehead are the barometers for my drunkeness. When I drink whiskey they pulsate and throb–which attracts vampires. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve woken up at the ass crack of dawn and found my underwear on a coffin beside a note written in blood that says : Dear Jerry, it was fun. You can let yourself out.
Saturday was a Brooklyn shitshow the likes of which I have never remembered. My friend Hambone was in town this weekend–a girl that knew me since 6th grade. A girl that was around when I got my first bowl cut, we celebrated when our home-town first got a GAP, we climbed trees together and she taught me how to shave my armpits–since I had no father around to teach me such things. She was in town for one night only–and we spent it traipsing around Brooklyn. There are some VERY embarrassing pics after the jump. Enjoy. Read more…