Posts tagged ‘virgin’
We have all had a personal ad up at one point or another – whether it’s on Manhunt, Adam4Adam, or Grindr. And if you don’t have a profile, you will soon; so to make it easier I have provided a gay slang translation below. You will thank me one day
I’m a top/vers – I love bottoming so much that glitter shoots out of my ass
I’m a twink – I have passed my prime but still call myself a twink to re-live my glory days
I’m a twink lover – I’m a 50 year-old pedophile that has a collection of underage boys having sex that I keep on a hard drive under my bed
I’m a bear – I’m a bear
I’m always safe – I’m always safe until I find someone so hot that I will ride them bareback into the sunset
I’m just looking for friends – I’m looking for friends until my boyfriend goes to sleep then I’m looking for friends who will f*ck me
I’m a virgin – I’ve had more cocks in me than the Tyson Chicken Farm
I’m down for some NSA fun – My needy ass will latch on to you so fast you will need the jaws of life to pry me off
I’m drama free – At least I will be after you get the restraining order from the cops to prevent me from being around you, cause I love you. No, I really love you
In case you hadn’t noticed our shameless promotion, the Cherry Auction begins today and runs through May 31st. Want to win a date with an actual living breathing virgin? Click HERE for details.
*Today’s post comes to TVT (The Virgin Twink). He is a good looking, intelligent, smart, tiny little person that weighs a buck 25 soaking wet with 3 lb crack rocks in his pocket.Think getting laid is easy just because you are a Japanese businessman’s fantasy? Think again. And read on.
So here’s the thing; most people have a decently active sex life that usually involves hooking up with the same person more than once. However, a special few of us have a low frequency sex life (that doesn’t even involve fucking/getting fucked) and usually only meet and greet the same dick once. But with such a desirable V-Card, one might wonder, How is it that some dog isn’t lusting after you (read: raping you) to win that big prize? (And by prize, I mean the mizuage that rich men bid over, like in Memoirs of a Geisha…because everybody wears kimonos and sells their body, right?) So, dear friends, here are the tricks as to how such a svelte virgin twink won’t even get a text message.
I get that New York isn’t Florida. But I still am. And as long as I still have perky tits and weigh less than 100 lbs sopping wet I will wear a wifebeater whenever I want, do you hear me Oprah on the Color Purple?
So we started out the night late at my friend Mason’s house. He spent the entire pregame trying coyly to get his twink boyfriend to have a threesome with the twink friend they had invited over. I kept trying to sit as close as possible to the twinks, hoping some of their stem cells would rub off and get into my eyes.
Then I found out one of the twinks was a virgin. For future reference–nobody ever tell me that again. I will make it my personal mission that you get plowed. Read more…