Posts tagged ‘Vanessa Hudgens’
Vanessa Hudgen’s Outsides Finally Match Her Insides
In her new movie, Gimme Shelter, Vanessa Hudgens finally takes on a role that matches her personality. The plot of the movie is as follows: A dashingly unattractive homeless dog meets an upper class wayward (my favorite word) dog who has lost it’s way. (obviously) He escorts her back to her Victorian home while stopping along the way to eat Spaghetti and meatballs out of eachother’s mouths. My point is that Vanessa Hudgen’s is one of those dogs that are so ugly they are cute. Aubrey O’ Day should chain her to a bedazzled pasty and dye her hair pink. She is the Phil Spectre of the dog world. So I appreciate fully that pulling a Charlize and uglying it up for a role in a movie is probably a good career move but will also admit that her other unapologetic publicity stunts (nude photo scandal, dating a gay guy) failed miserably.
I am not going to lie. I am going to pay the 13.50 it costs to see Vanessa Hudgen’s eat out of a dumpster. It just seems right.
You can scribble your friends phone number with the message: I will give you a blowie so hard it will make your back crack.
You can write ironic angsty phrases like: Resentment is just letting someone live rent free in your head. Pls only attempt this if you are a bitchin bull dyke with wispy hair and a studded belt.
You can jot down ideas for your upcoming novel about a socially awkard teen boy who traipses through Europe on a quest to find himself but instead finds cocaine, threesomes, and a hairy Italian gelato salesman named Laguardio.
You can distract yourself from thinking about The Human Centipede by stabbing your palm with the felt tip repeatedly and thinking about Vanessa Hudgen’s bangs (only slightly less disturbing than The Human Centipede).
Things That Creep Me The Fuck Out: Vanessa Hudgens
From now on we are calling her Hudgey–because it is a name as strange, filthy, and unappealing as her. Also it rhymes with pudgy–which I am reasonably sure she would be if she weren’t on a strict diet of denial about Zac Efron’s sexuality. In this photo she looks like an aging post-op tranny that bought their wig at a swap meet and can’t even afford bootleg collagen. Seriously I don’t trust people that don’t have lips. She reminds me of the rectum of a brown recluse. Read more…
Zac Efron’s Gay Update
I had my suspicions but now it’s practically confirmed with this latest pic… Zac plays on our team!! Not only because he dumped that beard Vanessa but because he’s clearly more obsessed with building his physique than actually working – - just like all the other muscle marys. Read more…
