Posts tagged ‘twinks’
I know that Abercrombie catalogues, pedophiles, and Bel Ami porn have done a lot to muddy this line, but there is a difference between twinks and teenagers. The problem is that all twinks are teenagers at one time, but not all teenagers are twinks. It’s like the age-old chicken egg dilemma except with way more poppers, manorexia, teenage exploration, and molestation.
Teenagers, for 0ur purposes are young adult men. Their voices may crack from time to time, and you will always find a hand towel beside their bed. If you drop this hand towel from a distance of 3 feet it will shatter into a million shards of DNA. You may also end up pregnant. Teenagers can have any body type from stocky to thin, and can dress in a variety of ways (as long as their clothes come from either Hot Topic or American Eagle). Teenagers are just mini versions of men, and will one day grow up to become doctors, lawyers, strippers, and wife-beaters. They can’t help it that their youth gives them a certain charm that older guys leech onto like lampreys.
Twinks, for our purposes are young gay men. Like supermodels, twinks only have about 4-6 years of attractiveness. The skinnier they are, the better so once a twink realizes the power they wield they do everything they can to say as thin as one of Rachel Zoe’s wheatgrass tampons. They typically have bleached hair and dicks that are incredibly Read more…
If you enjoy the tender caress of underage boys and girls then feast your eyes on a new tactic to reel in those kiddies by the fuckload, er, um, truckload.
Disclaimer: We don’t actually support pedophiles, only twinks that LOOK like they are 12. So for the love of god don’t print these out and post them around your neighborhood, at least not in America.
*Jmo is a twink wrangling Jew residing in Hells Kitchen. His pastimes are ignoring his mother’s phone calls, working in Advertising, and telling people they are mature for their age to get in their pants. I am pretty sure he is a genius.
So I was perusing my old blogs on Myspace… yeah Myspace. I stumbled across one that inspired me; which I guess is incredibly self-serving since I am the one that wrote it. It’s kind of like one of those self-fulfilling prophecies; slap me in the face and call me Oedipus. Ok, I’m drifting off topic; the blog was titled “Trust”
We engender people with trust all the time; most of the time we are trust people we don’t even know. You trust people driving in the street not to run you over, you trust cooks to prepare your meals arsenic free, and you trust that the guy you are sleeping with won’t give you a midieval case of the clap.
How to Wrangle a Twink,
So you want a twink huh? You want a twink so bad you can taste….it. But there is only one problem, you aren’t a big butch masculine hunk-o-rama. Don’t fret my fellow fagatrons, merely follow my helpful tips below.
1. You might not be Mariah Carey but it is imperative that you lower your voice by at least two Octaves. Twinks love a deep voice.
2. Grow facial hair, and if you can’t grow it then trim your nose hair and use a trusty bottle of Elmer’s Glue to slather those sweet whiskers of love on to your face.
I get that New York isn’t Florida. But I still am. And as long as I still have perky tits and weigh less than 100 lbs sopping wet I will wear a wifebeater whenever I want, do you hear me Oprah on the Color Purple?
So we started out the night late at my friend Mason’s house. He spent the entire pregame trying coyly to get his twink boyfriend to have a threesome with the twink friend they had invited over. I kept trying to sit as close as possible to the twinks, hoping some of their stem cells would rub off and get into my eyes.
Then I found out one of the twinks was a virgin. For future reference–nobody ever tell me that again. I will make it my personal mission that you get plowed. Read more…