Posts tagged ‘theluxuryspot.com’
Historically, girls and gays have gone together like Salma Hayek and the Rosetta Stone- they can exist without each other, but alone, neither of them makes that much sense. There are many reasons for hoes to need their homos, ranging from having someone who will listen to your problems without turning your emotional vulnerability into an impromptu afternoon rape, to having someone to talk you through the first time you try anal sex (with your husband, of course. You know the old adage-why buy the cow if it doesn’t come with a bottle of lube?). I believe the main reason that girls and gays get along so swimmingly, is because there is no baggage or bullshit involved.
Many times, when gays befriend other gays, (or girls befriend straight guys) there is a sexual element that can get in the way.
When girls befriend girls, many times they get catty and competitive with each other.
Girls and gays can just be themselves with each other without worrying about penises, vaginas, or competition getting in the way.
According to the scientific lexicon that is my brain, that is the main reason for the girl + gay dynamic. Here are a few others though, that didn’t make it into this video:
NOBODY is born with natural blowjob skills. Giving a beej takes as much practice as anything else, and in some countries (Scott Disick’s man cave) these skills are as revered as those of a Japanese neurosurgeon.
Gays won’t look down on you for having a one night stand. In fact, text a bitch before your walk of shame and I bet they will join you, wearing matching sweatpants with heels, latte in hand.
Gays will be completely honest with you. Feel like you look like a truck-stop transgendered 350 lb lesbian? Want to hear the truth? Girls might be worried about hurting your feelings. Straight guys might be worried they will never get laid again. Gay guys will rip you to shreds and build you back up, much more cutesy than before. So if total honesty is what you are looking for, look no further than the homo down the street.
Read more about girls and gays on TheLuxurySpot.com
If your inner child could see you today, what would they say? I think mine would probably high-five me right on the ass and tell me that I am doing a great job at drinking and whoring, but I should probably try and find a man to tame me, before my tits hit the ground in a gravity competition with my balls.
The most important relationship we have is the one we cultivate with ourselves. This can be a self-deprecating or negative relationship. In my case it is predominantly positive and possibly delusional. I basically look at myself in the mirror every day like one of the colored maids from the help and say: “You is kind. You is smart. You is important. People enjoy cocking around with you.” You should spend some time to think about the relationship you have created with yourself though, because it adversely affects your relationships with all other people.
If you are normally pretty hard on yourself and you constantly find yourself in difficult shituations, you have to ask yourself if the way you perceive yourself could be the culprit.
If you think that you are amazing and awesome, but everyone else relates to you as an asshole, then maybe you decided long ago to lie to yourself. You should examine that. I should examine that.
There are many ways to relate to yourself. Some of them are healthy, and some of them will probably be the death of you. The first step is to decide what kind of life you want (maybe think about what kind of life you wanted as a child) and then relate to yourself as a person that deserves that kind of life.
Then toast to your inner child and kill all its memories with some a Robitussin/Valium cocktail.
[ via TheLuxurySpot ]
[ via TheLuxurySpot ]
We have all been in love and we all know that sometimes, (most times) it really can be a bitch. Falling in love is inexplicably one of the most life-changing things that can happen to us and if you never have, I strongly suggest you give it a try. Having put myself through the ringer a few times, I thought it would be a good thing to just mention a few of the random things I have learned from love:
1. You know you are really in love the day you come home unexpectedly and find your lover suffering miserably in the bathroom with the door open, screaming bloody murder and crying through the pain from the Indian food you ate the night before, and you nonchalantly get them a magazine. Then you leave the door open in case they need anything.
2. You can only really be in love with someone who loves you back. In all other instances you are just a stalker.
3. People aren’t things. That is why in the classifications of nouns, there are people, places, and things. These categories do not overlap, no matter how bat-shit you are. So the day you decide that you own someone is the day you slowly and painfully start to push them the Hell away until one day you find them trolling Craigslist for random hookups and Read more…
[ via TheLuxurySpot]
The new IT gift for this holiday gifting season : moisturizing socks. The inside of the socks are coated with a substance that locks moisture in, leaving your feet soft and touchable. They have an interesting texture and feel, sort of like silicon and an apple pie had a baby.
Being the deviant I am though, I couldn’t help but come up with several other uses for them.
Do you have a husband that is constantly asking you to do the dishes or clean the house? Just slip two of these bad boys over your hands with a squirt of moisturizer and tell him you are busy with your beauty regimen. If he complains, give him a hand job. Your hands will be so smooth he will soon be doing the household chores for you.
Masturbation. I know all of you were thinking it, which is why I have no problem being the person to say it. These socks are much more portable and less conspicuous than a large, clunky flesh-light (which I also own). With a few drops of lubrication, the socks become Read more…
I have never lived with anyone that I have dated. Once, for three weeks I stayed with an Air Force guy I was seeing in Biloxi, Mississippi but that didn’t work out because my best friend was also living there and had to flee the city after creating a fake identity and then being found out. But I digress.
I have always thought that my personal space was too important to share with someone. I want my alone time when I want it – when I take a 2 hour bath because I am reading the latest poorly written young adult novel I don’t want anyone asking me if they can come in and take a dump, especially someone I am sleeping with. When I want to spend an entire day laying in bed working or writing I don’t want my lover trying to snug me, or nudging me to go out into the sun for a walk. Lastly, when I decide Read more…
According to the Zodiac the sign of Scorpio rules over the genitals, thus a Scorpio man will proclaim himself king of your vagina. He will treat it like one of his humble subjects, throw bread at it when it is hungry and proclaim far and wide that he won’t charge a high income tax.
Scorpios are manipulative, which means they can manipulate themselves into interesting sexual positions. This is especially helpful for having sex in public places, such as aisle 6 at your local grocery store, or the passenger seat of an El Camino.
Sometimes we date a “Moped Guy” (ex: a moped is really fun to drive, but you don’t want your friends to see you on one). Should you decide to go down this road, choose a Scorpio moped guy. Scorpios are secretive by nature so he will have Read more…