Posts tagged ‘the bible’
7 minutes before Daisy takes a rape shower.
In an unsurprising turn of events, North Carolina ruled that it is now legal for consenting adults to enter into a marriage contract with their canine counterparts. The ruling came in light of the recent ban on gay marriage. Spokespersons from the state alleged that they were in favor of any kind of marriage between heterosexual couples, however same-sex human-canine marriage licenses would not be issued. Their reasoning was as follows:
It doesn’t say anywhere in the bible that humans shouldn’t marry dogs, but it does say that men shouldn’t lay with other men as they do women. This makes total sense, since that is possible and all. That is why, every time I fuck a guy I do it in their vagina. As we all know, the federal government is in full support of state and local governments using the bible as a handbook.
Humans marrying dogs will cut down on population, since reproduction isn’t technically possible. This will cut down on the number of gay babies born state-wide.
North Carolina as a state isn’t against all non-traditional marriages. You can marry your blood relatives if you wish, because having more retarded offspring in the system leads to more educational funding. It also leads to packs of mountain people living up in the wilderness and awesome movies like Wrong Turn 4: Deadly Crossroads.
Have you ever seen a hot woman that was born in North Carolina? When you saw her, did you see her smile? At least dogs generally have all their teeth.
North Carolina values its heterosexuality, and there is nothing better than a pair of tits. Except Read more…
Gloganvlog Sex Advice: Ejaculation Ettiquette
As in life, there are certain moral codes and ethics when it comes to bedroom behavior. We have all been in the situation where we are getting a great blowie by a somewhat chunky co-ed with glasses that we only took home from the bar because we had one too many beer bongs before we left the apartment. The moment “comes” upon you and the little devil on your shoulder whispers: “You don’t know this girl from the hole in the bathroom wall which that gay guy drilled when he lived next door. See if you can make her vomit. She could stand to lose about 35 lbs anyway.” Then the angel on your shoulder, which looks suspiciously like Erik Estrada says : “Yah go ahead and do it. You’ll never see this hoe again unless you randomly find yourself at the Golden Corral Buffet.” So then you do it. You just ejaculate without warning. Because you are an asshole.
In case you don’t want to spend your eternity in Hell being on the giving end of blowjobs to the likes of Manson, Hitler, Dahlmer, and Richard Simmons, you should probably consider these rules of ettiquette:
BLOWJOBS:
Is it your first date? If it is, you probably aren’t going to give this person a second chance anyway because he/she is willing to put his/her mouth on a strangers dick. You can either warn them or not, but its in the bible that if they are willing to go downtown on a stranger they don’t consider swallowing a danger. Wait–was that the bible or the bedtime story my babysitter used to read me?
If you are unsure, consider this:
Are they drunk? When people are drunk they are more honest and less inhibited. This is in the bible too. So basically, everything we write on this site comes from a place of drunkenness. If you had a really good time with them and really like them as anything more than just a place to deposit your unwanted babies, then warn them. Maybe they just like you so much they are willing to risk Read more…
