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Posts tagged ‘taxes’

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New York Won The Lottery With Gay Marriage And You Can Too!

July 26, 2012

If you notice, at the top of this photo it says that the NY lottery is 121 million–a sum that is to be stretched out for someone’s lifetime. If you read a little further, it states that in just one year, same-sex marriages have added 259 million the the economy of the city of New York. I am no mathematician, but it appears to me that slovenly third-world cities like Detroit, MI, Jacksonville, FL, and FUCKING California should probably jump on the bandwagon. But enough about politics–you don’t come here to read what you can Google. Here is a list of other advantages to allowing gay marriage:

You know all those horrible run-down neighborhoods where teenagers go to smoke crack and create prom night dumpster-babies? (Detroit–no offense but this one is aimed at you) Imagine if the gays came in, painted them up, hired some Home Depot landscapers (read: Mexicanos), and threw a coat of paint on them so fast the property values did a double take. Our country would turn into Wisteria fucking Lane, except with more Botox, and less hit-and-run murders. (R.I.P Despies)

Most right-wingers claim that their biggest issue with gay people is the promiscuity and sin. Do you know the easiest way to cure promiscuity? Marriage. Do you know how you stop people from “living in sin”? Marriage. So take a note from your own book (That one about that guy, with the beard, who climbed up a beanstalk and got crucified by a wicked witch that lived in a gingerbread house, or whatever) and allow gays the option to bind themselves to one person until death do they part (and by part, I mean sign up for a www.christianmingle.com account and get back out there on the dating scene).

Munty, hunty. I know New York is normally light years in front of the rest of the country, but money talks, and trannies walk (in heels, even). There is nobody with more dispensable income than gays, because we don’t have to waste it on diapers, singing lessons, school trips, and birth control. I believe that the number of gays that got married during the first year of legal same-sex marriages in New York is nothing compared to Read more…

Christie Brinkly Doesn’t Pay Taxes

December 10, 2011

Christie Brinkly apparently “forgot” to pay half a million dollars to the IRS in taxes. I’ve got a question – how the f*ck do you forgot about that much money?! I don’t know if I am more upset that she neglected to pay her taxes or more upset that she owes more money in back taxes than I make in an entire year.

I find interesting that some people are so rich that they ‘forget’ about half a million dollars while others cant even afford food. Whoever said that the caste system was dead?!

Jacuzzi Ettiquette: Things You Just Should Not Do

July 12, 2011

Its summer, which means we are all heading out to vacation houses–lands of the perpetual Jacuzzi. However keeping within proper guidelines of human behavior even when completely faced is important, so I have compiled a list of things you should not do while getting your stew on.

1. Fuck. I know it sounds romantic and all. But I don’t care if you are a woman or a man. If you get dirty jacuzzi water in your orifices you will get a burning yeast infection so ferocious you will never be able to grow pubes again, and on the off chance that you do have children they will look like an uncooked 25 lb Hillshire Farms Thanksgiving turkey.

2. Smoke Weed. Because it will fall into the jacuzzi. Not only a waste of money–but a surefire way to piss of whoever paid for it.

3. Eat. Because it will fall into the jacuzzi. Not only a waste of money–but a surefire way to piss of those African Aids Babies overseas that actually deserve to eat.

4. Drink out of glass containers. One false move and that glass ends up being shot around in the water by turbo jets intent on slicing your naughty bits–destroying you until you look like Rose McGowan after her “corrective surgery.”

5. Your Taxes. Jacuzzis were created for our enjoyment and relaxation–doing your taxes whilst betwixt roaring turbines of 100 degree water is a surefire way to stress you out so bad your glass eye pops a blood vessel, simultaneously straining your sphincter so hard you give birth to a stress-indeuced lincoln log.

Which is also that last thing that you should ever do in a jacuzzi. Take a shit.

You are welcome.