Posts tagged ‘style’
Raise Your Hand If You Are Over Fashion Week
Normally I am a live and let live kind of guy. There are some things, however that I cannot abide. Fashion week is one of them. The reason? Fashion week brings out the fashion gays–the bowtie wearing, versace purse toting, asymmetrical haircut sporting, loafers with no socks and jeans so tight their balls look like roids wearing fashion gays. Why do I dislike the fashion gays? The air of condescension that comes along with their ironic rings and mullets.
Oh, and the fact that they think they are the only person in the entire fucking world that went to Parson’s.
I live by one simple rule: It doesn’t really matter what you wear because if you are doing it right, your clothes are just going to end up on somebody else’s floor.
Gloganvlog Style: The Monserat Lighter Ring
Reasons why this ring is awesome:
1. Every single time someone asks you if you have a light, instead of getting offended that they think you look and sound like someone who has smoked two packs a day for 30 years and works behind the register at a gas station, you can light their cigarette or doobie with your middle finger.
2. Arson.
3.At Nicki Minaj’s next concert, Little Kim can go in-cog-negro as a white woman (all she would have to do is throw on a Raquel Welch blond sassy bob and say her name is Florence after all that fucking skin bleaching. She can say she has cancer as an excuse to get on stage, and light Nicki’s hair on fire. If she turns the ring upside-down nobody will ever find it and the cops and religious officials will think that God finally just smited Nicki for saying Stupid Hoe 40,000 times in one song (which, in our opinion actually makes her a stupid hoe).
4. Kim Richards can use it to melt down her meth in one of Lisa Vanderpump’s 30 bathrooms so that she can mix it with her vodka tonic because frankly, that is the only way anyone will ever believe that the only problem she has is with alcohol. Have we ever considered that perhaps childhood stardom is a form of natural selection?
Monserat lighter ring available HERE
Gloganvlog Style: Attract Nonstop Beaver With The “Bible Thumper”
Ladies and Gentlemen, (and by ladies I mean gays, and by gentlemen I mean carpet-munchers) I present to you the embodiment of sheer perfection and elegance. The Bible Thumper is the hottest hairdo to grace that old strip of warehouses where crack-deals go down and cops only frequent when they are looking for blow jobs or just blow. When you adopt the Bible Thumper you will never need to use a pickup line again because this hairdo does it all for you. It literally locates the nearest poon palace within a radius of 5 miles and the forehead Zack Morris swoop-over bang blows in that direction. Then, when a suitable target has been located the Bible Thumper utilizes ergonomic technology to create the perfect wind tunnel effect that says : I just blew into town on my Harley and will only be here for one night. That is enough time to drink a case of beer, go through two packs of Luckies, and bang a chick so irresponsibly that Read more…
Gloganvlog Anti-Style : EEEEEK! Hobo Chic
I have to be honest, there have only been a few homeless guys over the years that I have thought about doing sexuals with. They were all young and attractive, and the fact that they were probably desperate enough to do anything for money made it that much hotter. But regarding the photo inserted above: I don’t really like the direction in which this is heading. On the right, William H Macy plays Frank Gallagher in Shameless on Showtime wherein he is basically a deadbeat dad serious alcoholic with like 30 kids who runs around town borrowing money and getting into mischief. On the left, we have Brad Pitt who is one of Hollywoods most sought after dicks, a serious pothead with like 30 kids who runs around town making lesser men feel bad about themselves and women’s vaginas so moist that you could drown a toddler in their granny panties.
The problem here is that I am not seeing one hell of a difference. Hobo chic is not attractive, and unlike skinny jeans, it will never grow on me. Mary Kate Olsen can pull it off because nobody wants to see her skeletal ass wearing a camisole and smart leggings because it would look like a chain-smoking, coffee drinking Jiminy Cricket with a tape-worm. I realize they have been doing the whole hobo-chic thing in Williamsburg for the longest time, but that is why nobody wants to go to Brooklyn. Because it smells like hobo ass.
This hobo-chic trend that Brad Pitt is perpetuating needs to stop before we all end up living in refrigerator boxes and jerking off into stolen Starbucks cups in the public bathrooms.
Gloganvlog Style: The Memento Mori Watch By Fiona Kruger
Have you ever thought: “Do you know what would be awesome? A really bitchin skull watch that I could wear as a cock ring, or give to a loved one as a foreboding omen of their impending pancreatic cancer!”
Your prayers have been answered. Designed by a woman with the most awesome name I have ever heard: Fiona Fucking Kruger, (henceforth, my asshole is literally named Fiona Kruger) the memento mori watch was designed as her thesis piece for some school or something. I confess I didn’t read the whole article, but if you want to you can find it here. Just look at the damn watch and appreciate the awesome. (Not to mention the cogs and inner workings of the watch itself are like the machine of the mind. If you are high right now you are probably about to go on an adventure. Buckle up. Bring snacks.)
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Gloganvlog Style: Zombies Ate My Belly Button
I don’t know where this shirt came from but I want it. Because honestly, and I know a lot of you don’t believe this but its really only a matter of time before zombies attack. Frankly, I would rather have a shirt like this in my arsenal of weapons in case I get into a situation wherein I am entrapped in a bank vault and need to pretend to be one of them in order to get to the helicopter (Olsen Force One driven by Mary Kate) than have to wing it, or cover myself in dead zombie guts like they did in The Walking Dead.
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I know that we here at Gloganvlog seem like we are all about the party, but fitness is a really important component to life too. Why? Because we also like to sleep around. And you can’t do that if you are ugly and fat. That is just science.
Bianca Sultana is my personal trainer. As some of you may know, she has been kicking my ass for about a month or so now and I have to say I have never been more happy with my body. Aside from training she is also a bad-ass friend and we collaborate often (and in this case for once, collaborating doesn’t mean f%cking). I actually took that above photo (if you haven’t put together that Adrian Rand is Gary ADRIAN RANDall yet, then by all means, keep drinking). I know all of you made workout resolutions that you have already forgotten about, but maybe some new workout gear will inspire you to get off your fat asses. Bianca is running a special on workout gear from the always awesome Via Prive so click to read more to get 20% off. She is also leading a team through the Master Cleanse. Video after the jump too 
You can also tweet her directly at @channelbianca.
Your Personal Style Shouldn’t Define You, A$$hole
Every season I redo my style. I decide what colors and types of clothes I am in the mood to wear and then set out adjusting the garments I already have and adding new items to create the look. I do this because I don’t feel like clothes should define you, and your personal style should change as much and as often as you do. (unless of course you are a fucking hipster, which probably means that you are petrified of owning anything that would make you look different than your friends, even though being “individual” is what you claim to strive for).
These photos illustrate one couple styled a bunch of different ways. They reason they are so awesome is that Read more…
Gloganvlog Style: I Mustache You A Question
If you are like me, and have some kind of brown blood in you (be it Mexican, Malaysian, Chinese, Indian, or Kanye) you probably can’t grow much of a mustache. Its both a blessing (because we will always look a little younger than we are) and a curse (because we can never flee the country and hide out with the immigrants in front of Home Depot in Staten Island).
Finally, somebody has come up with a solution to our plight. These mustache glasses say: I am rich enough to have style, but poor enough to maintain your lawn as adequately as needed.
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Gloganvlog Style: WTF Is A Shrug Hooded Bolero?
This mannequin is giving me the “suck in your cocaine cheeks and look disinterested because you haven’t eaten in days” bitch stare and I am loving it. I also love this black shrug bolero with a hood. The awesomeness behind it is that it is neither a hoodie, nor a shrug, nor a proper bolero. I love it when creative people just mash a bunch of weird shit together to create something new. The result is like Mariah Carey- sometimes strange to look at (as all bleached gorillas are) but somehow it works pretty damn well. Its perfect for someone who gets a chill on their head and shoulders, but isn’t worried about their torso or forearms.
Available HERE
