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Posts tagged ‘stud’

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Mancandy: Scott Eastwood Is The American Wet Dream

September 20, 2013

scott eastwood shirtless

Nothing like a little anal in the morning, on a sailboat, off Cape Cod.

For the past few days, the Internet has been licking Scott Eastwood’s balls, calling him the “humble hero” because he is allegedly just the laid back kid of an American institution (Clint Eastwood, in case you are an illegal immigrant. PS, don’t answer the door. Its INS) that lives in a little beach cottage in California. To that I say that Scott Eastwood should be crowned as King of America, and legions of girls and gays should have to line up and kiss his freckled taint. There is nothing more American than Scott Eastwood. The Taliban took one look at him, and spray painted their suicide bombs with American flags, whilst eating apple pie and getting involved in wars that don’t concern them. Abercrombie and Fitch realized that despite the fact that nobody gives a shit anymore, they could never live up to the extreme hotness of Scott Eastwood, and finally did what they should have done a long time ago, relocating to Sweden where fashion goes to die. The Statue of Fucking Liberty sent Scott Eastwood a vine of her tits on Snapchat. If you haven’t gotten the gist yet, Scott Eastwood is so hot that he stopped to take a piss in Arizona on a cross country road trip, and the entire fucking state melted. Capisce? Now get to Googling, because his PR team is working so hard to create this buzz that their email addresses de-friended them on Facebook.

scott eastwood shirtless

Ice cream and beer? I hope that boat has good ventilation.

scott eastwood shirtless

Do I even need to say it? Yes? Okay, I wish that cigar was a dick. Read more…

Mancandy: Shemar Moore, The King Of Black Don’t Crack

May 17, 2012

God, I hate it when I have to shit in the street.

I don’t rightly know where 42-year-old Shemar Moore is from or what movies/shows he has been in. I can only assume that he is from one of the Tyler Perry movies. Before you jump up and scream racism, think about this: There is a 90% chance that if you are a black celebrity, you have been in one of the Tyler Perry movies. He’s like a black Martin Scorsese. And to answer your question, no- I don’t really know who Martin Scorsese is, either.

This isn’t about movies, racism, or old Italian men though its about superficial attraction and big sweaty men. So enjoy these pics of Shemar Moore on a beach, on a beach, and on a beach with his dick basically hanging out. I am sensing a theme here.

Maybe he’s actually a white guy with a really great tan?

This is my chest, after 18 months of breast feeding. Yes, I am aware Read more…

Mancandy: Zac Efron Gay Captions and Shirtless Photos

April 19, 2012

He’s actually smiling at his best girlfriend Javier. Bitch please.

Let me be 100% upfront and honest about something. I am not the biggest Zac Efron fan. To me he was a puffy, gay-faced butterball child actor who did the Bieber-cut way before that manorexic skinny lesbian Justin ever even conceived of finger-banging tweenage groupies. Every one of his movies is like a horrible Lifetime flick starring Candace Cameron-Bure getting ass-raped in a parking lot, then whining about it for 2 hours. They make me want to weep profusely and sing Mandy Moore ballads.

BUT:

I have to give credit where credit is due and tell you that nowadays, this bitch is stacked like a mix between a brick shithouse and Cameron Diaz. His glorious chesticles (bigger than Cameron Diaz’s for that matter) appear to be carved of stone, sunlight, lube, and premature ejaculation.

I, (and I don’t think I am alone here) want to floss my choppers with every single delicate hair on his man-scaped chest. Yes, there are gay rumors. Yes, they are probably true. Yes, this kills my man-boner. But there is no denying that this chunky little stool-stuffer has grown into a real hottie. So I have assembled a bunch of shirtless pics of him for you to fap to.

You are welcome. Please note that I am not suggesting you go see his movie, The Lucky One. I will admit that he has great tits, but to me that isn’t worth sitting through 3 hours of weepy lesbian bullshit. If I really want to see great tits I will just look down. Huzzah!

 

If you haven’t seen this photo you should check yourself for eye AIDS. He is checking his crotch for crabs after a back seat limo rendezvous with a Weho gogo dancer.

I would be remiss if I didnt make a joke about this being the exact way I sit on a pole too.

A creative new sex game called grab the pole, ram the hole. What you can’t see is Vanessa Hudgens running at his ass with a big black dildo. Read more…

Valentines Day Mancandy: Tom Hardy Gives Me A Heart-On

February 14, 2012

Let me just break it down for you, in case you don’t know. Tom Hardy is the hottest piece of bitch I have ever seen in my entire life. I am dating a hot Brit right now, so I obviously I have a thing for gentlemen from across the pond. If I ever come across Tom Hardy in real life, I will frighten him into a coma by introducing him to a Dentist (it is every British person’s achilles heel in case you didn’t know) and throw him in the bonnet of my Mercury Tracer. I will then drive him out to a farmhouse in the middle of Tranny Nipple, Montana and Misery him so hard for so long that neither of us will ever be seen again.

So this Valentines Day, I present to you a very special Mancandy–the hottest man alive in full glory in every single hot photo of him that I could find on the internet. If you are single, feel free to masturbate to them. If you are attached, feel free to break up.

More photos after the jump. If you don’t look at them every naked cupid baby in the world will lose its wings and its dignity. Because it will shit itself. When it loses its wings. See what I did there? Read more…

Mancandy: Cheyenne Jackson Is The Perfect Guy

December 22, 2011

Not only is he so hot that I would lick him from his asshole, over his head, all the way down to his taint so fast that time itself would reverse Superman style, but he is also funny and gay. So I figure this means I actually have a chance. The photo is so big because I want you to understand how serious I am.

Basically, Cheyenne Jackson is the perfect guy except that his name makes him sound like a gay cowgirl drag queen. But that’s okay because if he was mine, I would call him by his nickname: Naked sex slave chained in my closet that keeps begging for a sausage mcmuffin but can’t have one because McDonalds stops serving breakfast at 10:30 and I never wake up that early.

The Neapolitan Beardwich

December 9, 2011

2011 has been an interesting year in hair trends. Common ladies are sticking feathers (aka fishing bait) in their hair while tresses that look like they’ve been dunked in a paint pail are all over the runways and celebrities. (I dare you to watch a slideshow of Lady Gaga or Nicki Minaj’s hairstyles over the years and not feel like you are on a Lisa Frank acid trip.)


Not wanting to be outdone, we’ve been noticing a trend on the West Coast… one we’re calling the Neapolitan.

It’s really a simple formula: Read more…

Mancandy: From Geek To Chic

November 17, 2011

Did you ever see Jerry Macquire? No? So Tom Cruise’s large Clydesdale teeth and Renee Zellweger’s naked mole rat face and swedish teenage pornstar man-body scare you too? Also, Cuba Gooding Jr. All I am saying is that movie contains three of the actors I hate the most on this entire planet.
But even people who haven’t seen it know about Jonathan Lipnicki, that adorable little blond bastard that stole our hearts with his glasses, beady eyes, and unapparent jeweyness.  He is all grown up and filled out now as you can see. I am not saying I would do him- he looks about 3 feet too short for my taste, but you have to applaud a guy who goes from looking like a bloated hamster that is two seconds shy of being molested by Jerry Sandusky to a muscled stud with an emblazoned star of david tramp stamp. Enjoy the before and after’s after the jump Read more…

Mancandy: Too Bad Sexiness Isn’t Immortal

October 18, 2011

I don’t know what happened to the belt loops on Kellan Lutz’s jeans here–I can only surmise that he borrowed these pants from Mariah Carey and she had to remove the top half of them so they would not only encompass her fat ass, but her humongous ego and diva demands as well. Even though I don’t care for gingers who hide their gingery goodness with hair dye and I feel like those twilight bitches look like methed up albino road workers with bad Bea Arthur wigs, I have to give credit where credit is due. Kellan Lutz has one of the most Read more…

Mancandy: Down Syndrome Delicious Ryan Gosling

October 11, 2011


I’m just going to come out and say it. I am attracted to dumb guys. I don’t know whether it is because I like to be the smarter one (which rarely happens) or if there is just something about someone with downward sloping eyes that just calls to me and says take advantage of me – I won’t even realize you are doing it.  (which by the way this goes for sex too).

Or maybe its because I am from a small town in Florida and was raised to appreciate a man who can change a carbeurator (sp) and beat his wife simultaneously. No matter how you rape  it, we here at Gloganvlog are super attracted to Ryan Gosling. I know in real life (just like Ryan Kwanten) he Read more…

ManCandy: Justin Timberlake

July 25, 2011

He’s been my celebrity crush since way before he was in The Social Network, Alpha Dog, and NSync.  I evrn forgave him for the cornrow incident and for breaking Britney’s heart – - I’m actually glad he dumped that flat-chest, acne-prone hag Cameron Diaz and that self-absorbed model/actor, Jessica Biel, whose nose looks like Read more…