Posts tagged ‘starbucks’
Top 5 Hook-Up Stores for Gays
1.) Starbucks – This should be a no brainer. As we all know gay guys like uppers and being that Starbucks is like legal crack we show up by the thousands. If you can’t get laid in a Starbucks bathroom you are either too ugly or too fat.
2.) The Apple Store – Gay guys don’t often have children so they like to spend their money on overpriced trendy computers. The Apple Store is a great place to get iFucked.
3.) Whole Foods (or any organic supermarket): In our minds organic = healthy. Even if it is an organic chocolate dipped Oreo it’s organic so it has no calories. Go ahead and pick up a 100% natural beefcake on your way out.
4.) Barnes & Noble: I actually don’t know what other reason there is to go to Barnes & Nobles except to pick up a man. The store kind of smells funny too, probably because of all the semen left over from the mid-aisle hook-ups that got crusted into the pages of Moby Dick-Me.
5.) American Apparel: This store might as well just change its name to The Gay Store. With their line of “Legalize Gay” shirts, booty shorts, and over-sized muscle daddy tanks the gays flock to this store like they’re giving away free ecstasy.
Click here to watch a video about toys that turned you gay(er).
Top 10 Most Fattening Holiday Drinks
The Holidays are upon us and there is no point in trying to fight off the calorie-packed foods that will soon be shoved into our faces forcefully by an overly-joyful Auntie Gertrude and her gingerbread minions.
But we can at least try and avoid drinks that will plump, you, up (that was said in the voice of Arnold Schwarzenegger if you didn’t catch that). Check out the top 10 most fattening holiday drinks below.
I am not one to make fun of people’s looks, so I am just going to let this post speak for itself. For a second. And then I am going to speak for it.
Truthfully I think that Alex Mccord is one of the only tolerable housewives in the entire franchise. Do I think she resembles a bleached Morticia Addam’s? Perhaps. Do I wish she would file down her marshmallow teeth to a respectfully human-like shape? Yes, I will admit to that. But my one and only real issue with the Mccord-Van Kempen’s is Read more…
Twink or Twat
I can’t tell you how many times I have mistaken a muff diving bull-dyke for a glitter peddling twink. Actually, I can tell you but that number would be so long that by the time you got done reading this post you would look like a mix between Joan Rivers and those little animated raisins that sung “Heard it Through the Grapevine” back in ‘86.
Talking, Doing, And Talking While You Are Doing. Sex
Goals only seem unattainable until you reach them. I know this because I am sitting here in my Manhattan apartment, and exactly 10 years ago I was graduating from high school in a tiny town that didn’t even have a Starbucks until a year ago.Thinking about it makes me feel nothing but gratitude.
If you don’t believe me, you can ask my crotch–who has set many goals, deadlines, and quotas for itself over the years and never disappointed. (that is a lie. My crotch does get disappointed–mostly on vacations because for some reason I can’t get laid to save my life. I’ve only had one truly great vacationship in 27 years -more on this later.)
But what does it come down to? We know that in this world there are talkers, doers, and fluffers. What is the real difference between being a talker rather than a doer? Read more…
Tattoos So Awful That They are Awesome. And Vice Versa
Tattoos are like babies. Some are beautiful, some are hideous, but both are permanent. You get tired of them really quickly. They both have the potential to ruin your body. And once you have one, you generally want more.
I got my first tattoo to celebrate my 21st birthday with my sister. It is a stylized “G” that I designed myself. Oh, and if you turn it upside down it looks like a flamingo.(FL) I fucking hate it.
But I want more.
All I can say is thank god this world is full of passionate idiots or I would have nothing to write about. But many times a tattoo can be so bad that its amazing and others can be so awesome that its bad. I have ranked and rated these photos myself. Please feel free to do the same, because tattoos–like art, cocaine use, and safe sex is subjective.
