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Reasons Why I Want A CaterParaplegic Dog

August 12, 2011

This is a photo of a caterparaplegic dog–a word I just made up to signify that it is both paraplegic, and looks like a caterpillar. See what I did there?

The reasons I want one are as follows:

1. I could name it Baby Brokenlegs. Funny story–I actually used to have a guinea pig with two broken legs. This happens when four kids play the parachute game with a bed sheet and a pet. From that day on BBL (as we called him) just dragged his hind legs behind him making squeaking noises. What a trooper.

2. It would scare other dogs. My paraplegic dog would need to be a small breed to fit into my apartment, (lets just say if my apartment were a dick, it would be smaller than the “Situation’s” Shituation. I enjoy irony. So having a tiny robo-dog that can scare away a great dane would be the highlight of all my cocktail parties (of which there are none).

3. Watching it run downhill would be hilarious. In my wildest fantasies, I fasten a kite to its back and send it running down a hill. Somewhere towards the bottom it takes flight–and runs away from my abuse like Little Elijah Wood in The Radio Flyer. Read more…