Posts tagged ‘Shirtless’
Some people may take issue with me calling an accused murderer sexy. My response to that? All murderers are sexy. Obviously. Otherwise, how would they be able to convince their victims to agree to be murdered? And that, kids, is forensic science 101.
Oscar Pistorius used to be known as a noted South African sprint-runner before he went all Casey Anthony with a six-pack on his girlfriend. Call me crazy, but I still think he’s hot as Hell. And a little murder never hurt anyone. (Except of course the people who were murdered). Here are three reasons whey I would still bone Pistorius, regardless of how red his hands are:
1. He’s part robot. If I was Pistorius’s girlfriend, I would never let him take his bionic robot legs off, even if they chafed his stumps in the bedroom. Sex with robots is obviously the wave of the future, and I like to consider myself ahead of the curve. Besides, if his legs are made of metal, imagine what his dick is made of (unless you are one of his future inmates, since I am sure they will catch a glimpse when they are ass-raping him). Lets just say that erectile dysfunction is probably not a problem. Unlike airport security…
2. Height is not an issue. There is nothing sadder than a super hot guy with a great personality, that looks great on paper, but is only 5’7″. Guys that are 5’7″ are proof that God has a sense of humor, because you want so badly to like them and be with them forever, but are constantly reminded that they are short enough to breastfeed without slouching. It’s really not fair. Pistorius probably has like 6 sets of legs that are interchangeable depending on the size of his girlfriend’s heels. That is called being considerate. Tom Cruise, take note.
3.He has an accent. I literally do not care what kind of accent you have, from New Jersey to New Guinea, I think it is sexy. Why? Because I think retards are sexy too, and in my mind, people that can’t speak the same language as me occur as slightly retarded. Is this probably an ignorant American standpoint? Yes. Am I an ignorant American? I don’t know. Would a truly ignorant American admit to that?
In conclusion, I don’t care if Oscar Pistorius murdered his girlfriend in cold blood-he is still a total dreamboat. Or dream motorcycle. Or dream toaster oven. Yee Haw.
More sexy, shirtless pics of Pistorius after the Read more…
I don’t know what turns me on more: that his skin is pale as freshly fallen snow/a freshly cut rail of blow, that his lips are as sculpted as a finely made flesh-light, or that his vacant children of the corn eyes stare into my soul so hard my tampon explodes into a fiery rain of toxic shock syndrome. Regardless, Evan Peters of American Horror Story fame is the kind of guy who could easily charm his way into your home, then rob, rape, and murder you without even having to say “please”.
Is he stereotypically “hot”? No. The bags under his eyes could hold an entire years worth of RuPaul’s Drag Race Nyx Cosmetics, and his greasy hair is more flammable than Joe Simpson. That’s what makes him so hot though- he represents a new kind of attractiveness. The kind of beauty you find behind a dumpster, shooting up heroin, about to kill itself.
I’d fuck it. Would you?
Somebody should have taught him to swallow…
That’s the face I make when I jerk off thinking of Read more…
Let me start off by saying two things:a) Glee is like my middle aged neighbors that live across the alleyway. I don’t want to admit that I watch them have sex all the time, but its definitely happened more than once. b)Its a Gloganvlog cardinal sin to post a Mancandy photo involving clothes, but in this case I made an exception since Dean Geyer’s face is as beautiful as 1,000 virgin assholes.
Seriously, he looks like the love child of Chace Crawford and somebody who doesn’t look like a total homo. Also, he’s Australian which means he likes to go down under. And by down under, I mean he probably munches things. Which things? Use your imagination, but keep in mind that there is only a 2 inch difference between a whiney giney and a butthole, and a 3 beer difference from a dick.
If you don’t watch Glee, I don’t blame you. Lea Michelle’s face looks like one of Captain Hook’s dingleberries and the only two things worth looking at are Chord Overstreet’s DSL’s (Dick Sucking Lips for those of you who never attended middle school) and Darren Criss’s grizzly he-tits. Dean Geyer is more than enough reason to start watching though. Yes, his nipples may be as far apart as a pair of down syndrome eyes, but you won’t be able to see them when he bends you over Lea Michelle’s ego and pounds you like a chicken panini.
Raquel Welch called. She wants her wig back. Read more…
Is it me, or are the Olympic athletes being worshipped as sex symbols this year? I truly believe that people who spend so much time working on their body deserve to be recognized for it, mostly because it doesn’t leave them much time to create anything else worth being recognized for, but this year we have really taken it up a notch. Look at his “V”? (I would use the word cum-gutters but surprisingly there are actually a few words that gross me out and cum gutters is one of them. Mostly because it makes me think of rain gutters, which makes me think of rain, which makes me think of Stephen King’s It, which makes me think of Tim Curry. Yeesh). Anyway, the only cubans I am typically attracted to are sandwiches, but I wont deny that Danell Leyva is fucking bodied, and if he isn’t gay he probably should be because these pictures could probably single-handedly crash Grindr again.
JAKE DALTON, GYMNASTICS
He needs to jump off that horse and come ride my face.
2012 is apparently the year that The Olympics decided to bring sexy back (forgive me for that outdated reference, I am on bath salts). From the ever-popular gay App Grindr completely crashing the first night the athletes entered the Olympic village (as well as some other things, most likely) to Durex providing the London Olympics with 150,000 condoms, the ancient Olympic games have never been hotter. Will you just take a look at Jake Dalton? Just fucking look at him? He is so hot, my dick actually just inverted. Now I basically look like Serena Williams without the sweaty sports bras.
Anyway, I would be remiss if I didn’t comment on all the dick-able hotness traipsing around London right now. Enjoy!
So that’s what happens when you fist an albino…
Let’s get gymnasties!
CLEMENTE RUSSO, BOXING
And this is how you jerk off two Olympians simultaneously.
JAMES MAGNUSSEN, SWIMMING
Ugh. Beach farts are the worst. Read more…
Bayern Munich striker (Whatever the hell that is) Mario Gomez has stated publicly that he thinks Gay footballers should come out of the closet because it would improve their performance. He also says that being gay should no longer be a taboo topic. While Gomez himself hasn’t admitted whether or not he is personally gay, his statements are in direct opposition of the German Football Federation, whose public stance is that openly admitting homosexuality is detrimental to athletes careers.
He also states: “We’ve got a gay vice-chancellor [Guido Westerwelle]; the Berlin mayor [Klaus Wowereit] is gay. So professional footballers should own up to their preference.”
I don’t care if he is gay or straight, being brave enough to stand up for equality Read more…
God, I hate it when I have to shit in the street.
I don’t rightly know where 42-year-old Shemar Moore is from or what movies/shows he has been in. I can only assume that he is from one of the Tyler Perry movies. Before you jump up and scream racism, think about this: There is a 90% chance that if you are a black celebrity, you have been in one of the Tyler Perry movies. He’s like a black Martin Scorsese. And to answer your question, no- I don’t really know who Martin Scorsese is, either.
This isn’t about movies, racism, or old Italian men though its about superficial attraction and big sweaty men. So enjoy these pics of Shemar Moore on a beach, on a beach, and on a beach with his dick basically hanging out. I am sensing a theme here.
Maybe he’s actually a white guy with a really great tan?
This is my chest, after 18 months of breast feeding. Yes, I am aware Read more…
I have seen this opening scene in so many Sean Cody pornos before, it is burned onto my taint.
If its one thing I know for a fact, an attractive grown man that is still a virgin is either
a) Hyper Christian and getting plenty of blow jobs.
b) Hiding the fact that he is Gay.
c) Hiding the fact that his penis is comparable to a small, pink gerbil’s.
d) All of the above.
I can’t rightly say which one of these options relates to Tim Tebow, because it wouldn’t be the Christian thing to do.
(Its option d)
I don’t care what anyone says though, I would do him anyway. And by that, I mean any. way. he. wanted.
There’s nothing I love more than a hyper-christian secretly-gay knuckle-scratcher with a dick that won’t Read more…
These jizz showers really weigh heavily on my self esteem.
I’m not going to say that I’m superficial, but you can definitely infer that by the fact that I watch The Vampire Diaries. Frecks actually pointed it out to me, that every single person in the entire cast of The Vampire Diaries is so fucking hot that I would hand each and every one of them some cockles, even the girls.
In my mind, walking around on that set is like a constant orgy. I can’ think of any other ensemble shows whose cast I would rather play wet the toast with (with me being the toast). So to celebrate the ridiculous attractiveness of it all I have put together some photos for your enjoyment.
In official WWYF order. (who would you fuck- please note that this classification system is based solely on these photos. On the show or in real life, I would fuck each and every one of them. At the same time. )
I’m actually trying to close my shirt, but its from Baby Gap and the horse hormones went straight to my tits.
For those of you intelligent enough to watch Revenge, you undoubtedly saw Daniel Grayson (Josh Bowman) showering in prison last week. You probably also saw what happened next, which had some of us fist pumping the air, hoping we would get a re-imagined PG-13 version of what happened every 20 minutes on Oz (that’s prison rape, for those of you who have no taste in TV). Anyway, that scene inspired this post, so I thought if only fitting to include a screen shot from the scene at the end. Here are two easy ways to escape a prison shower rape scene of your very own: Read more…