Posts tagged ‘sharon stone’
See if you can follow my logic: Cocaine is a diet supplement that Sharon Stone and Whitney Houston used to do together in the 80′s. Basically, their daily food intake consisted of cigarettes, tab, unflattering shoulder pads, enough Aqua-net to destroy the Florida Wetlands, and unscrupulous amounts of cocaine for a period of about ten years. (And they haven’t aged a single day; still so glamorous and classy in 2012.)
Sharon Stone and Whitney Houston have always been rail thin. Therefore, it stands to reason that cocaine keeps you thin.
So obviously this bear isn’t doing enough.
Every once in awhile someone writes a blog that is so epic in scope that it gives you goose bumps. The blog’s very nature proliferates hours of deep intellectual thought and days of silent introspection. This, is one of those blogs; it’s message is so infused with depth and knowledge that you will increase your IQ by 10 points just by reading it. What is this all-powerful message that I wish to impart unto you?…..Don’t fucking use spray tan.
They say scare tactics don’t work. I say they have never seen George Hamilton up close. The mere site of the images below sent shivers down my spine. Proceed at your own risk
George Hamilton: The macdaddy of the spray tan, and tanning in general. He once got rushed to Old St. Mary’s Hospital after he was mistaken for a burn victim.
Mystery meat: Clearly our pumped up preteen needs a stronger eyeglass prescription.
Jessica Simpson: Shortly after this picture was taken Jessica Simpson was sent to rehab for going temporarily insane. Apparently she was denied the role of the Lion in Wizard of Oz and couldn’t handle the rejection.
Christina Aguilera: Taking lessons from Sharon Stone (ala Catwoman) Christina’s face is now so hard her nose is used to drill for diamonds.
Chistina’s identical twin sister: It truly is impossible to tell the two Aguilera’s apart.
Gloganvlog Founder, Gary Adrian Randall: At first glance I thought this image was taken after Gary’s Mormon mission to scrub radioactive particals from Russian orphans near the nuclear Chernobyl wasteland. But much to my surprise Gary broke into the Neutrogena factory and fell into one of the tanning solution vats after mistaking it for a giant can of Miller High Life.
Yes. Dennis Rodman’s Dick. Chloe Sevigney’s legging collection. Lindsay Lohan’s smoke scented extensions. Beef Lo Mein. Naked photos of senators. Tripe. Asian porn. That smell that towels get when they go unwashed for a while. 2xist men’s tank tops. leather mandals. Liver spots. Toupees. Britney Spears Kmart Feet. Kmart in general. Hospitals at 2 am. Albino babies. Toenails that fall completely off. Sascha Baron Cohen’s nutsack. The gym on Fire Island. Canarsie. And Sharon Stone.
The title to this post is a little misleading. I am a trickster–just ask anyone who has ever believed I have AIDS or am in Jail on April Fool’s Day can attest to. (That would be every single person of importance in my life–as evidenced HERE. )
As I may have mentioned the key components to an amazing vacation are equal parts crazy time and down time. This post is about the times when I thought to myself: “Well fuck my ass, I am really lucky to have best friends like these. Not bad for a kid who used to sit at home watching Queer As Folk in Panama City and think: ‘One day I will move somewhere bigger and have a group of gay friends that I can call family.’”
Logan got the drop on me. He pulled the wool over my eyes. He bamboozled the shit out of me. While I was chatting up some North Carolina guys he said “Can I talk to you privately for a second?” I assumed he wanted to talk shit and went with him, completely trusting since I am normally the only sneaky bitch in the group. He took me over towards the pool and shoved me the fuck in, right in front of god, drag queens and queers everywhere. I wasn’t even upset that I had a drink in my hand. This prank was that awesome.
1. Mustaches. I don’t understand what, if anything has ever been attractive about a mustache. The only two times I have been attracted to a guy with a mustache was when it was an ironic pornstache grown as a tribute to famous 70′s pornstaches everywhere (seen on a genuine Williamsburg Hipster) , and when it was on a bulldyke who wanted to seduce me just to prove that she could. (and she did)
2. Sharon Stone. Because growing up in a time when the standard for hot is a coked up skeletal man-eater with teeth in her vagina is the stuff of nightmares.