Posts tagged ‘sexy’
Some people may take issue with me calling an accused murderer sexy. My response to that? All murderers are sexy. Obviously. Otherwise, how would they be able to convince their victims to agree to be murdered? And that, kids, is forensic science 101.
Oscar Pistorius used to be known as a noted South African sprint-runner before he went all Casey Anthony with a six-pack on his girlfriend. Call me crazy, but I still think he’s hot as Hell. And a little murder never hurt anyone. (Except of course the people who were murdered). Here are three reasons whey I would still bone Pistorius, regardless of how red his hands are:
1. He’s part robot. If I was Pistorius’s girlfriend, I would never let him take his bionic robot legs off, even if they chafed his stumps in the bedroom. Sex with robots is obviously the wave of the future, and I like to consider myself ahead of the curve. Besides, if his legs are made of metal, imagine what his dick is made of (unless you are one of his future inmates, since I am sure they will catch a glimpse when they are ass-raping him). Lets just say that erectile dysfunction is probably not a problem. Unlike airport security…
2. Height is not an issue. There is nothing sadder than a super hot guy with a great personality, that looks great on paper, but is only 5’7″. Guys that are 5’7″ are proof that God has a sense of humor, because you want so badly to like them and be with them forever, but are constantly reminded that they are short enough to breastfeed without slouching. It’s really not fair. Pistorius probably has like 6 sets of legs that are interchangeable depending on the size of his girlfriend’s heels. That is called being considerate. Tom Cruise, take note.
3.He has an accent. I literally do not care what kind of accent you have, from New Jersey to New Guinea, I think it is sexy. Why? Because I think retards are sexy too, and in my mind, people that can’t speak the same language as me occur as slightly retarded. Is this probably an ignorant American standpoint? Yes. Am I an ignorant American? I don’t know. Would a truly ignorant American admit to that?
In conclusion, I don’t care if Oscar Pistorius murdered his girlfriend in cold blood-he is still a total dreamboat. Or dream motorcycle. Or dream toaster oven. Yee Haw.
More sexy, shirtless pics of Pistorius after the Read more…
If you’re like me, you are taking this frigid cold, anti-testicle winter weather as an opportunity to think about this coming summer. I am so fed up with this weather, if Mother Nature actually existed, I would track her down and do the Harlem Shake all over her face until my taint gave her a wicked case of rugburn, much like the Nebraska Men’s gymnastic team (except their rug burn was on their foreheads). So naturally, I stumbled upon these photos of Anthony Gallo shot by Greg Vaughan and I had to share them. They remind me of Fire Island for two reasons:
1. I am pretty sure they were shot on Fire Island. That pool deck looks familiar. I feel like I have been face-down drunk on it before.
2. Every photo of a guy in a speedo reminds me of Fire Island. Even though I wonder if Fire Island is over (like Hurricane Katrina, it just hasn’t been the same in the past years. Chalk it up to mis-management), I am pretty sure it still has a couple seasons left. I will never forget my first New York summers spent traipsing around the beach in a speedo, biting people’s faces, getting a tick on my balls from giving my boyf a beef in the meat rack, and all the friendships I made (and by friendships, I don’t mean hookups. Those only lasted 30 seconds).
So enjoy the speedo pics and get into the spirit of things. If you need help, I added some friendly captions below.
I finally made it to the Americas. That Michelin tire didn’t last long, and sharks ate all my clothes, but I see a Taco Bell already, so I feel right at home. Viva La Puerto Rico.
When dildos just aren’t available, heels are the next best thing. Just make sure you lotion up or it’ll be like Read more…
I don’t know what turns me on more: that his skin is pale as freshly fallen snow/a freshly cut rail of blow, that his lips are as sculpted as a finely made flesh-light, or that his vacant children of the corn eyes stare into my soul so hard my tampon explodes into a fiery rain of toxic shock syndrome. Regardless, Evan Peters of American Horror Story fame is the kind of guy who could easily charm his way into your home, then rob, rape, and murder you without even having to say “please”.
Is he stereotypically “hot”? No. The bags under his eyes could hold an entire years worth of RuPaul’s Drag Race Nyx Cosmetics, and his greasy hair is more flammable than Joe Simpson. That’s what makes him so hot though- he represents a new kind of attractiveness. The kind of beauty you find behind a dumpster, shooting up heroin, about to kill itself.
I’d fuck it. Would you?
Somebody should have taught him to swallow…
That’s the face I make when I jerk off thinking of Read more…
Let me start off by saying two things:a) Glee is like my middle aged neighbors that live across the alleyway. I don’t want to admit that I watch them have sex all the time, but its definitely happened more than once. b)Its a Gloganvlog cardinal sin to post a Mancandy photo involving clothes, but in this case I made an exception since Dean Geyer’s face is as beautiful as 1,000 virgin assholes.
Seriously, he looks like the love child of Chace Crawford and somebody who doesn’t look like a total homo. Also, he’s Australian which means he likes to go down under. And by down under, I mean he probably munches things. Which things? Use your imagination, but keep in mind that there is only a 2 inch difference between a whiney giney and a butthole, and a 3 beer difference from a dick.
If you don’t watch Glee, I don’t blame you. Lea Michelle’s face looks like one of Captain Hook’s dingleberries and the only two things worth looking at are Chord Overstreet’s DSL’s (Dick Sucking Lips for those of you who never attended middle school) and Darren Criss’s grizzly he-tits. Dean Geyer is more than enough reason to start watching though. Yes, his nipples may be as far apart as a pair of down syndrome eyes, but you won’t be able to see them when he bends you over Lea Michelle’s ego and pounds you like a chicken panini.
Raquel Welch called. She wants her wig back. Read more…
The two most exciting things about the 2012 London Olympics are making fun of Gabby Douglas’s jacked up yaki, and the complete and utter buttery sexy goodness of the American gymnastic and swim teams. In previous years, the focus has been more on the sports aspect of the games, and the sexiness has just been a nice, wash-boarded backdrop. This year, everyone is focused on how fast Ryan Lochte’s sperm can swim, which leads me to believe that the world is only getting more and more slutty.
I would like to think Gloganvlog plays a small part in that. Making the world more slutty is written into our mission statement. So, here are a shit-ton of the male Olympic swimmers looking super naked, and super gay.
[ via ]
JAKE DALTON, GYMNASTICS
He needs to jump off that horse and come ride my face.
2012 is apparently the year that The Olympics decided to bring sexy back (forgive me for that outdated reference, I am on bath salts). From the ever-popular gay App Grindr completely crashing the first night the athletes entered the Olympic village (as well as some other things, most likely) to Durex providing the London Olympics with 150,000 condoms, the ancient Olympic games have never been hotter. Will you just take a look at Jake Dalton? Just fucking look at him? He is so hot, my dick actually just inverted. Now I basically look like Serena Williams without the sweaty sports bras.
Anyway, I would be remiss if I didn’t comment on all the dick-able hotness traipsing around London right now. Enjoy!
So that’s what happens when you fist an albino…
Let’s get gymnasties!
CLEMENTE RUSSO, BOXING
And this is how you jerk off two Olympians simultaneously.
JAMES MAGNUSSEN, SWIMMING
Ugh. Beach farts are the worst. Read more…
Bayern Munich striker (Whatever the hell that is) Mario Gomez has stated publicly that he thinks Gay footballers should come out of the closet because it would improve their performance. He also says that being gay should no longer be a taboo topic. While Gomez himself hasn’t admitted whether or not he is personally gay, his statements are in direct opposition of the German Football Federation, whose public stance is that openly admitting homosexuality is detrimental to athletes careers.
He also states: “We’ve got a gay vice-chancellor [Guido Westerwelle]; the Berlin mayor [Klaus Wowereit] is gay. So professional footballers should own up to their preference.”
I don’t care if he is gay or straight, being brave enough to stand up for equality Read more…
Every time I see this photo, my eyes get an erection. Its disturbing. I have no idea who this guy is, but I can only assume he is some foreigner from some third-world war-torn country whose only chance of any kind of recognition is the Olympics (I am thinking Canada or England). He was probably trained from a very young age by a gruff, but kind-hearted man named Vladimir, who watched him in the shower while smoking a pipe and wearing a turtleneck, but never actually touched him. I don’t normally find gymnasts that hot- yes I understand that they are super buff and have bodies that could survive a collision with Julia’s 90 foot Big Rig Dyke Mobile, but I think of Gymnastics as sort of a gay sport, and I feel like most gymnasts aren’t even tall enough to S my D standing straight up with arms to the sky.
I know this, because I took gymnastics as a kid. And I wasn’t even tall enough to S my own D standing straight up with arms to the sky.
Thanks to the super sexy Michael Warner for the photo!
God, I hate it when I have to shit in the street.
I don’t rightly know where 42-year-old Shemar Moore is from or what movies/shows he has been in. I can only assume that he is from one of the Tyler Perry movies. Before you jump up and scream racism, think about this: There is a 90% chance that if you are a black celebrity, you have been in one of the Tyler Perry movies. He’s like a black Martin Scorsese. And to answer your question, no- I don’t really know who Martin Scorsese is, either.
This isn’t about movies, racism, or old Italian men though its about superficial attraction and big sweaty men. So enjoy these pics of Shemar Moore on a beach, on a beach, and on a beach with his dick basically hanging out. I am sensing a theme here.
Maybe he’s actually a white guy with a really great tan?
This is my chest, after 18 months of breast feeding. Yes, I am aware Read more…
I have seen this opening scene in so many Sean Cody pornos before, it is burned onto my taint.
If its one thing I know for a fact, an attractive grown man that is still a virgin is either
a) Hyper Christian and getting plenty of blow jobs.
b) Hiding the fact that he is Gay.
c) Hiding the fact that his penis is comparable to a small, pink gerbil’s.
d) All of the above.
I can’t rightly say which one of these options relates to Tim Tebow, because it wouldn’t be the Christian thing to do.
(Its option d)
I don’t care what anyone says though, I would do him anyway. And by that, I mean any. way. he. wanted.
There’s nothing I love more than a hyper-christian secretly-gay knuckle-scratcher with a dick that won’t Read more…