Posts tagged ‘sex with food’
In my vast experience of sexual exploration, I have used a great many things to masturbate: Couch cushions, bug repellent, the carburetor to a 1969 Ford Mustang. I have never, however used fruit. With the upcoming release of the American Pie reunion, I thought it was a good time to explore the idea of fruit with sex.
Why would you do this? There are so many people in the world willing to have sex with you for free, so why would you shell out 3 bucks for a watermelon, 6 bucks for an apple pie, or 89 cents for a kiwi (if you happen to be Asian)? I have enough problems in my hour long masturbatory sessions with lube drying out- the last thing I want is a sticky fruit exfoliating mask on my crotch.
And what about ants? Its hard enough finding a person that can give a good blowie without at least a scrape or two of their molars. Ants have millions of tiny little teeth like a super-sexy glamorously thin shark ( I am assuming because that is what it feels like) so it is that much worse.
And what about seeds? If you get an orange seed in your pee-hole will you grow an orange tree in your ball-sack?
When it comes to masturbation and food, rather than partake and experiment I defer to my right hand man.
Sorry I meant my right hand, man.
Good grammar, much like masturbation is a keystone to a satisfying life.
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