Posts tagged ‘seventeen magazine’
1.Everyone likes sex. Everyone wants it as much as possible. So stop pretending like you are a virgin or you have never woken up bent over in a ditch erotically asphyxiated with a thighmaster. If everyone just admitted to themselves that they sometimes like to get down and dirty it would make it a lot easier to get laid. And if everyone was getting laid we wouldn’t have war, racism, or religion. Perfect world, right?
2. Everyone makes mistakes. So when you do–take for instance that mahogany colored rats nest mullet hanging from my ears to the left OWN IT. Pretending you are perfect is a surefire way to not only look like a fucking tool, but to have a completely ordinary boring life where you are so afraid of what everyone is thinking that you don’t do shit. Mistakes give us color. Just look at Bristol Palin. Im pretty sure her middle name on her birth certificate is Mistake. True story. Its hanging in the parlor of their igloo.
3. Everyone feels ugly. So 1. stop pretending that you never feel that way because you were only in Seventeen once and you looked fat so stop pretending like you are goddamn Christy Turlington. 2. Stop bitching about how ugly you are and how everyone has a better life than you. Every person has a different set of standards about beauty–mine clearly involve teal tiaras and sunglasses from TJ Maxx. Yup. Im a Maxinista. Bring it. So if you don’t feel pretty either deal with it or do something about it. Use Carrot Top as your inspiration.