Posts tagged ‘red wine’

I am not, by any means, a wino. I don’t care to smell it, I don’t want to open up the bouquet, and I am not interested in tasting thimble-fulls and discussing the smoky oats of musty vagina and primrose.

I drink to get drunk, to compete, and to finally feel a shred of emotion. I don’t drink because I like the taste of alcohol. So, its probably unsurprising to you that I don’t like red wine.  If I must drink it, I always try and drink white. And no, that isn’t racism its just common sense. Every time I drink red wine, one of the following outcomes occurs:

I cry about something stupid and meaningless. Red wine reverts me into the angsty pre-teen that jerked off 7 times a day and hated how unfair it was that he had to share a room with his sister, who constantly grossed him out by shooting water out of her vagina.

I get really self-conscious about the fact that my teeth resemble Ronald Mcdonald’s after he just got done S‘ing Grimaces’ D.

I get angry about something stupid and meaningless. Ask anyone who knows me- my emotions are pretty much even keel. It is almost impossible to get a rise out of me or piss me off. Red wine brings out my feminine side, and by feminine I mean that Read more…