Posts tagged ‘poon’
Reasons Why I Want A CaterParaplegic Dog
This is a photo of a caterparaplegic dog–a word I just made up to signify that it is both paraplegic, and looks like a caterpillar. See what I did there?
The reasons I want one are as follows:
1. I could name it Baby Brokenlegs. Funny story–I actually used to have a guinea pig with two broken legs. This happens when four kids play the parachute game with a bed sheet and a pet. From that day on BBL (as we called him) just dragged his hind legs behind him making squeaking noises. What a trooper.
2. It would scare other dogs. My paraplegic dog would need to be a small breed to fit into my apartment, (lets just say if my apartment were a dick, it would be smaller than the “Situation’s” Shituation. I enjoy irony. So having a tiny robo-dog that can scare away a great dane would be the highlight of all my cocktail parties (of which there are none).
3. Watching it run downhill would be hilarious. In my wildest fantasies, I fasten a kite to its back and send it running down a hill. Somewhere towards the bottom it takes flight–and runs away from my abuse like Little Elijah Wood in The Radio Flyer. Read more…
I Am On A Plane Headed Back Down South (ATL and FL)
And this photo represents the way I feel. For one week I will be in Atlanta and Florida. That makes me feel just like this turtle. Why?
1. The weather will be warm. I am going to lay out so much my skin is going to blacken and sizzle until I look like either Kobe Bryant or Kobe beef.
2. The guys aren’t as jaded. (although I am pretty sure by saying that it makes me jaded) So it will be really easy to have a mini-vacationship and break his heart whenever I leave him thinking my name is Catherine Aragon and I have to go back to my life of supermodeling and running a business designing home furnishings for Raymour and Flannigan. Seriously Cindy Crawford and Cathy Ireland–what do you know about leather sectionals besides how to do lines off one?
