Posts tagged ‘politics’
Political Humor: Mitt Romney Versus Mr. Burns
I don’t follow politics, although I did catch myself watching the Presidential debate on the treadmill the other day at the gym. All I got from it was that Sarah Palin cut her hair and was running against Obama again, and Obama nearly went all “yo mama” on the mediator because he got interrupted. What I do know is that Mitt Romney is being made to look like an idiot in a lot of the stuff I inadvertently skim while looking for porn online, and Obama is being attacked for not doing enough in 4 years (which I think is silly given all the bureaucratic bullshit he must have to cut through). I have literally lost interest in everything I am saying because it relates to politics. Shutting down in 5…4..3.2.
If you notice, at the top of this photo it says that the NY lottery is 121 million–a sum that is to be stretched out for someone’s lifetime. If you read a little further, it states that in just one year, same-sex marriages have added 259 million the the economy of the city of New York. I am no mathematician, but it appears to me that slovenly third-world cities like Detroit, MI, Jacksonville, FL, and FUCKING California should probably jump on the bandwagon. But enough about politics–you don’t come here to read what you can Google. Here is a list of other advantages to allowing gay marriage:
You know all those horrible run-down neighborhoods where teenagers go to smoke crack and create prom night dumpster-babies? (Detroit–no offense but this one is aimed at you) Imagine if the gays came in, painted them up, hired some Home Depot landscapers (read: Mexicanos), and threw a coat of paint on them so fast the property values did a double take. Our country would turn into Wisteria fucking Lane, except with more Botox, and less hit-and-run murders. (R.I.P Despies)
Most right-wingers claim that their biggest issue with gay people is the promiscuity and sin. Do you know the easiest way to cure promiscuity? Marriage. Do you know how you stop people from “living in sin”? Marriage. So take a note from your own book (That one about that guy, with the beard, who climbed up a beanstalk and got crucified by a wicked witch that lived in a gingerbread house, or whatever) and allow gays the option to bind themselves to one person until death do they part (and by part, I mean sign up for a www.christianmingle.com account and get back out there on the dating scene).
Munty, hunty. I know New York is normally light years in front of the rest of the country, but money talks, and trannies walk (in heels, even). There is nobody with more dispensable income than gays, because we don’t have to waste it on diapers, singing lessons, school trips, and birth control. I believe that the number of gays that got married during the first year of legal same-sex marriages in New York is nothing compared to Read more…
Is It Wrong To Make Fun Of Handicapped People?
Probably. But if we as a society stop making fun of handicapped people, we have to stop making fun of people of various color, race, sexual orientation,weight,political affiliation and dick size. I am not willing to live in a world where we don’t treat everyone with the same level of lightheartedness tinged with a little hint of snark. You see, I have a dream. Much like Martin Luther the King, who was able to turn anything he touched into gold, and water into wine (in fact the only thing he wasn’t able to do properly was climb down off that damn cross that those 12 dwarves nailed him to for being the fairest in all the land) (inception joke-within-a-joke, since Martin Luther King was black there is no way he was the fairest in all the land- that would be offensive to Indian albinos). Anyway I have a dream that one day, people will stop taking everything so seriously and stop being offended by every god-damned thing. When people see that every single person in the world has plenty of characteristics worth making fun of, they will stop worrying about everyone else and just have a drink.
Yes, that is my solution for world peace. You are welcome, Mobama.
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Crazy Newt Gingrich Wants a Moonbase
In a time where unemployment rates are sky high, people can’t afford their homes and homophobia is running rampant – Newt Gingrich has a plan. What is his plan you ask, well he wants to build a shiny new moonbase!
Great job Newt, a moonbase will certainly solve all of our problems – we can ship all the poor and gay people there! Thank god we have such a strong presidential front runner. Oh and in case a moonbase wasn’t enough for you he says that a base on Mars will shortly follow.
Oh Newt.
In The News: Hillary Clintobama Stands With The Foreign Gays
If you are coming to this site to hear credible news, then you are clearly retarded and gullible so by all means, believe everything I say here. In political news, Hillary Clinton spoke at the United Nations offices in Geneva on Tuesday and announced the Global Equality Fund, backed by her and President Obama, which is a new global initiative to support gay rights.
As a gay man, I think this is fucking awesome. As someone who tries to remain blissfully ignorant of politics ( I live in NYC, not DC – Which means I enjoy fun and sex, not politics and J Crew) I can’t help but see a bigger picture here.
1. Even though Obama beat Hillary in whatever pissing contest they had a few years ago to run as the democratic nominee ( I am assuming this involved them docking) she is still calling the shots. Just like she did when her husband, Bill Clinton was in office. This goes to show you that Hillary Clinton is a ball busting sum’ bitch and should have been president. Back then I remember thinking: “Meh, I prefer a woman or a black man, but either way Thanksgiving dinner with my racist, sexist uncle is going to be a lot more interesting.” Then I realized I didn’t have an uncle, and also that I didn’t truly care who won.
2. Basically, we just can’t leave other countries alone. From what I gather from my 2 minute perusal of this issue we are going to use this fund to Read more…
Political Humor That Is Completely Lost On Me
I think its fairly obvious that I don’t give a damn about politics. The only political party I want to be a part of needs to involve jello shots and male strippers. My plan for the future of this country is that if things ever get too bad I am just going to peace out, even if I have to row the fuck away using a spoon as an oar like little Elian Gonzalez (Never forget).
But, just like a joke that refers to something that happened before 1983 when my tan little ass sprung out of my moms snizz like a diabetic in a sugar shock, if something seems humorous I don’t have to understand it. I will laugh anyway. I might even chortle. I might even laugh, then chortle, then Read more…
Religion is like a Penis: A list of 1st Date Dont’s
With Valentines day rapidly approaching, we are probably all scrambling to find a date, or doing what I do and humping our body pillows. (That is why I have so many).
So I thought I would make a list of things you shouldn’t talk about or do on first dates. Because lets face it–a good date ends with either sex or the promise of sex. And we need all the help we can get. Read more…
