Posts tagged ‘parkinsons disease’
The Pointless, Lazy Inventions Of The Average American
Have you ever thought about how many technological devices have been invented to make our lives easier–but in reality are a bit asinine?
People movers- I have been late to catch a flight enough times in my life to know that there is obviously a really good reason for people movers, but come on! Who decided that a long flat stretch of room was so absolutely daunting and horrifying that they needed to put a big moving rubber strip on the side of it? The funny part is that you have choice–you can either take the people mover or walk beside it. Do you want to be a lazy fuck or not?
Wheel chairs- I am talking about voluntary wheel chairs–not the kind that they give to people born with baby tyrannosaur arms and stumpy legs. When I see a morbidly obese person in an electric wheelchair in a mall I think to myself: What was so wrong with HSN that you had to drag yourself to a shopping mall where nothing will really fit you anyway? Is it because chic-fil-a doesn’t deliver?
It’s Time To Stop Being A Frigid Bitch
I know I could be jinxing myself by saying this but I feel like the intense cold of this New York Winter, which stifled me harder than Wendy William’s industrial Spanx is coming to an end.
So what does this mean?
1. I can stop wearing an entire thermal underwear set under my skinny jeans and xxs t shirts–sometimes when I was drunk and sitting down I found it very challenging to stand up in all those layers. NO MORE SWEATY BALLS!
Just kidding. I will always have sweaty balls.
2. I can have sex in public again. This is probably the worst thing about winter–sure its fun to go skiing and all but wouldn’t it be more fun to sneak into the woods and do sexuals? Not so much when both of your dicks look like gerkins.
