Posts tagged ‘one night stands’
I imagine this is what Gary’s dating life consists of when he isn’t trying to scissor me on chaise lounges. Actually this might even be Gary in the morning. I think I’ve woken up next to him looking like this. Fuck.
There are lots of things that I hate about winter. I hate the random patches of dry skin on unfortunate areas of my body, such as my balls. I hate wearing so many layers of clothes that by the time I get them off at night the stranger I tricked into coming home with me has fallen asleep. Most of all, I hate how the cold weather flips a switch in people’s minds and they realize that if they don’t wife up for the season they are going to be spending a lot of cold nights alone in bed.
Here are several reasons that winter relationships are unnecessary:
1. I am not a down jacket, I am a human being; a philanthropist, and a teen model. If you don’t find it necessary to get into a relationship with me when the weather is nice and hot outside, then please don’t automatically decide that I would be a good space heater. Its not true anyway – I would steal all the covers at night and probably sleep rape you. You are better off cold and alone.
2. We are fuck-buddies for a reason. There is obviously something about each other that we Read more…
