Posts tagged ‘nicole polizzi’
Like St. Patricks Day, Cinco De Mayo is another of those holidays where straight people get to act like gay people. That means that they get to get shit-faced and wander around like idiots trying to stick their dicks into everything. I am headed straight for margarita Hell.
So on behalf of Gloganvloggers everywhere, Happy Stinko de Mayo, ya fucks.
So I read on Facebook that Snooki is pregnant. I could really care less whether or not its true and honestly can’t even be bothered to google. What I will say though, it is really only a matter of time before one of those Jersey Shore moron’s procreates, and as a direct result of this event I foresee a steep decline in the quality of American life and possibly a zombie apocalypse. Here are a few things I would rather see than Snooki reproduce:
1. A sequel to Shindlers List.
2. Tilda Swinton having sex with anything.
3. A sex tape starrring Adolf Hitler and Yoko Ono.
4. Mickey Rourke’s ball-sack.
5. Florida sinking under the sea.
6. Joan Rivers without makeup.
7. Zooey Deschanel in person.
8. A newborn baby bunny rabbit slaughtered with a chainsaw.
9. The inside of a sling in a Weho leather daddy sex club. Read more…
“Even though Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi was told she was too short to be a model, she still managed to find work posing on the cover of the 2012 HoneyBaked Ham Holiday Catalogue. She was quoted as saying: ‘It’s perfect for me cuz, ya know I just rub myself down wit buttah and go searchin for da beach. 5 hours lata Im brown as a one-uh-tha turds that come out my ass. Honeybaked ham and meze like da perfect combo cause my thighs are as bigaz 35 lb hamz and I like gettin stufft like a thanksgivin turkey’.”
Unfortunately, someone (my money is on Joy Behar) mistook the pint sized guidette for an actual turkey and put her in the oven for 4 hours at 350 degrees.