Posts tagged ‘michael scott’

Those of you who think that The Office is no longer any good without Michael Scott, think again. The real show-runner has always been Dwight Shrute. Yes, he may look like an unborn pig fetus and have the body proportions of a seasonal harvest gourd, coupled with a forehead that could make Tyra Banks shut her goddamned mouth for once.

But he is hilarious. Hideously, hilariously, hilarious.

Here is a list of his best one-liners. And if you are no longer watching The Office, pull the stapler out of your ass and give it another chance!

I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog.

I am faster than 80% of all snakes.

Why tip someone for a job I’m capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.

I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching.

If I could menstruate, I wouldn’t have to deal with Read more…