Posts tagged ‘men’
I find this photo both fabulous and disturbing.
Remember not-so-long ago when black and white people had to drink from different water fountains? Then, Abraham Lincoln or Martin Luther King or whatever decided segregation was wrong, so it was abolished. Allegedly. Have you ever noticed that we still segregate babies? According to tradition, blue is for boys, pink is for girls, and yellow is for tranny babies. I have never understood this though, because blue seems more of a feminine color to me, while pink reads more masculine. It starts at birth, and from then on we are assigned a gender based on our sex organs. That assignment haunts us for the rest of our lives. It dictates how we dress, how we act, and even how we feel. If everybody in the world is such a singular individual, how can we possibly classify anyone into one of two categories based on whether their gennies are inverted?
Boys are taught from birth to be rough-and-tumble adventurers that learn how to provide for a family. Girls are taught to be demure, shrinking violets that can take direction and cook a mean casserole. As our society progresses these distinctions have become less important, but there are still steadfast rules about how we should act and who we should be ingrained in us from birth.
Even as a gay man, living in the gayest city in the country I still sometimes struggle with my gender, whether I look too masculine or feminine on an everyday basis, and how I am coming off to the general public. That is the ultimate mind-fuck of it all.
We are taught from birth to act certain ways that may or may not go against our human nature, and we stick to those rules that were assigned based on our genitals simply because we were taught to.
And that, my dear friends, is why I love trannies.
[ via TheLuxurySpot ]
1. Have a fun, sexy scavenger hunt. First, remove your vagina and hide it somewhere in the house. Then, create a list of tasks (all housework tasks) that he has to complete, leading him to your vagina. Then, when the house is spic and span crack open a cold one, fire up the old meth pipe, switch the channel to the Home Shopping Network and reveal the whereabouts of your vagina. Let him have his fun in the other room while you get validation from calling into HSN and commenting on how spectacular your tanzanite tennis bracelet is.
2.Hold the remote hostage. The day before the big game. What big game you ask? I don’t know, I am obviously gay. I will tell you though that I know enough from drugging straight guys into sleeping with me that they all like big games. Hide the remote somewhere ridiculously obvious. Like zipped up inside a couch cushion.
3. Fill some squirt bottles up with beer. For every squirt of windex he sprays, he gets a squirt of beer. At the end of the day you will have a clean house and a drunk, passed out boyfriend, snoring peacefully on the bathroom floor.
4. Put together a master plan. Get a few of your girlfriends together and Read more…
In the South, we call this maneuver a good old fashioned Cooter-punch and it is something both straight men and lesbians need to both understand, and know how to properly execute. Here are the appropriate times to use it:
1. Your woman didn’t wash the dishes. Obviously, women like washing dishes, that is why on commercials you never see men doing it. So if your lady keeps using silly, nonsensical excuses like “I have the flu”, “This is an equal partnership, and I work more than you do” or “I don’t even live here”, give her vagina a little love tap.
2. Your woman looked at another man. It doesn’t matter if the other man was the parking valet and she was giving him her keys, the hotel clerk at the hotel where she bought you guys a room for your anniversary, or her father — your woman is your property. It isn’t her fault that God gave her eyes, but it is her fault if she uses them to look at another man.
3. Your woman is wearing revealing clothes. It is a well documented fact that Read more…
Hey, kids. How you Laura Dern? You finally managed to shake off that persistent, lingering Sunday brunch hangover? Ready to talk about music perhaps? Maybe?
Lana Del Rey’s album, “Born to Die,” was officially released today. Any of y’all already listened to it ten times through on repeat? Excepting a stan-tastic rave review on Gloganvlog?
Not so much of that here, I’m afraid. Don’t get me wrong: I think the album’s great. I think it lived up to my expectations and then some. That said, basically everyone on the entire internet has already chimed in on what they think about it, often at agonizing length, and I just can’t be bothered to contribute to that. Suffice to say, if, like me, you are at all into super stylish, well-produced moody electropop, get your filthy gay hands on a copy of that album, ASAP.
Instead of talking about Lana, I figured I’d link some music videos that I think don’t suck too hard. Maybe you can watch them while you’re waiting for
the pain of your bleak existence the workday to end and let me know what you think in the comments.
Phantogram – When I’m Small
I love that one of my very favorite songs of 2010 got what is basically a perfect video treatment: a mini movie that’s just as sexy, cool and impeccably produced as the song itself.
I know that Abercrombie catalogues, pedophiles, and Bel Ami porn have done a lot to muddy this line, but there is a difference between twinks and teenagers. The problem is that all twinks are teenagers at one time, but not all teenagers are twinks. It’s like the age-old chicken egg dilemma except with way more poppers, manorexia, teenage exploration, and molestation.
Teenagers, for 0ur purposes are young adult men. Their voices may crack from time to time, and you will always find a hand towel beside their bed. If you drop this hand towel from a distance of 3 feet it will shatter into a million shards of DNA. You may also end up pregnant. Teenagers can have any body type from stocky to thin, and can dress in a variety of ways (as long as their clothes come from either Hot Topic or American Eagle). Teenagers are just mini versions of men, and will one day grow up to become doctors, lawyers, strippers, and wife-beaters. They can’t help it that their youth gives them a certain charm that older guys leech onto like lampreys.
Twinks, for our purposes are young gay men. Like supermodels, twinks only have about 4-6 years of attractiveness. The skinnier they are, the better so once a twink realizes the power they wield they do everything they can to say as thin as one of Rachel Zoe’s wheatgrass tampons. They typically have bleached hair and dicks that are incredibly Read more…
[ via TheLuxurySpot]
1. Women can wear menswear, and it is trendy. If a man wears a smart cardigan-dress combo to work he will probably be publicly humiliated and/or sexually harassed. Women also get to wear fun dangly chandel-earrings and panties that caress their nether-regions with comfort. Men often wear the same old scratchy cotton underwear until their ass sweat literally rips a hole in it.
2. Women can be catty or nice at their discretion and it is considered normal behavior. It isn’t uncommon for a woman to be jealous of her friend and call talk behind her back. If a man sees one of his bro’s wearing the Jersey of his favorite football team, he can’t mutter Bitch under his breath, comment snidely on how fat he looks to anyone within earshot, and then go hug him and act like everything is peonies and pussywillows.
3. A woman can rely on her period to get her out of tough situations. Pulled over by a cop? Maybe you were too overly emotional to see which lane you were in. Accidentally forwarded a rude email to your boss? Maybe your hormones are over-active and you couldn’t help yourself. The beauty of this system is that nobody is EVER going to say “Prove it.” They would most likely rather let you get away with anything than see a bloody tampon.
4. Women can make out with each other and it isn’t gay. If this existed for straight men I, for one, would be a much happier person.
5. Women become mothers. There is absolutely no figure more revered in the history of man than the mother. Every time you ask someone who their hero is, mother is right up there on the list. Yes, you may have to go through nine months of Hell and your vagina will probably never be the same, but for the rest of your life there will be someone on this Earth who appreciates you unconditionally and will always put you on a pedestal (that is to say, unless you are a nasty bitch who runs out on her children. Then you forfeit both your vagina and all the adulation).
I am not saying that I would want to wear dangly earrings every day (even though I would), or that I would ever want to push a baby out of my crotchal region. I am saying, however, that there are a lot of advantages to being a woman, and a woman by way of birthright has every right to take full advantage of those advantages.
As a gay man I have a unique perspective on the comings and goings of straight relationships. When I am not trying to sleep with your boyfriend, I am paying attention to the interactions that go on between you. This outsider’s perspective qualifies me to comment on it.
So here are my gripes about the state of straights:
Women deny themselves sex. You think having sex will ruin your vagina for your future husband even though every time you get excited you wet yourself like a newborn doberman. Your body tells you that you need it, your mind tells you that you want it, and your gennies practically demand it but still you turn it away? Do you know what we gays call this? Torture.
You call each other sluts and put each other down for being “easy” but secretly you want a man, right? Do you know what a man likes most in the world? Sex. But if you give it up too easy you imagine he won’t respect you after. So you freak out. Do you know what turns a man off the most in the world? A girl freaking out.
Even gay guys can’t stand that.