Posts tagged ‘matthew broderick’

First off, let me ask: Does anyone else ever find themselves saying Sarica Jessica Parker? Although she is so old her Manolo’s come with orthopedic insoles, Sarah Jessica Parker gave birth to the love child of Arsenio Hall this week at the Biscuit-Tit Ranch in Devil’s Taint, Texas. When little-known butter-face SJP sold her soul to the devil years ago in exchange for an acting career, she had no idea that the price she would have to pay was one night of sweaty passion with defunct comedian Arsenio Hall. Do you remember back when he was funny? Neither do I. Do you remember his hammer pants? I do too.

I rest my case.

If you are wondering why SJP didn’t just procreate with her husband Ferris Bueller, then you should probably Google a recent photo of Matthew Broderick. The baby (which somewhat resembles a mix between a deformed horse and Miley Cyrus) was born with 6 legs, which is perfect because SJP needed a new place to store the thousands of shoes she received in exchange for spawning an entire generation of annoyingly desperate bitchy female New York transplants.