Posts tagged ‘mason’
I get that New York isn’t Florida. But I still am. And as long as I still have perky tits and weigh less than 100 lbs sopping wet I will wear a wifebeater whenever I want, do you hear me Oprah on the Color Purple?
So we started out the night late at my friend Mason’s house. He spent the entire pregame trying coyly to get his twink boyfriend to have a threesome with the twink friend they had invited over. I kept trying to sit as close as possible to the twinks, hoping some of their stem cells would rub off and get into my eyes.
Then I found out one of the twinks was a virgin. For future reference–nobody ever tell me that again. I will make it my personal mission that you get plowed. Read more…
Yes I am afraid its true. Hell has frozen over. Ragnarok has come to pass. Rosie O’Donnell has shaved her armpits. Ryan Seacrest has come out of the closet. Jesus came back down to earth, tweeted WTF I am so over this snow to his 10,000 followers, friended his father on facebook and then went to Pinkberry.
I pulled a Molly Ringwald last night. I stayed in.
I did not however stay sober.
I ate an entire pizza and order of buffalo chicken kickers by myself and drank an energy drink at 1 AM (I wanted a treat) while watching the jewelry network. Read more…