Posts tagged ‘lettuce’
How To Know If Your Neighbors Are Crackheads
Living the New York party lifestyle such as I do – I have a Ph.D in detecting telltale signs that people are crackheads. I’m sad/happy to report that my neighbors might just be living the posh crackhead lifestyle right under (or in) my nose! The signs:
- I’ve seen cute little plastic baggies trying to hide underneath the front door Mat
- Both neighbors look skinny enough to be confused with Golem, my precious
- They claim that the white dust that adorns several contertops is merely drywall from hanging pictures
- They have really short straws – but not really short glasses
- Their electricity goes out more than I do
- The have a whole lot of foil – but no food in which to cook with
- Their fridge consists of water, lettuce, and um, that’s pretty much it
” In a strangely awesome new development in the saga of failing actor Charlie Sheen, this creature was discovered early Friday morning. Resembling a dust bunny, this rabbit-like creature that calls itself Professor Mcgonnegal Duckbones is comprised entirely of cocaine particles and bleached boogers. It appears Charlie Sheen’s addiction has become a sentient being, and continually asks the questions: Wheres the afterparty? Has anyone seen a white girl? and of course: Can a N*gga get some lettuce, shawty?
No word from Mr. Sheen on whether he intends to keep Professor Mcconnegal Duckbones as a pet.”
