Posts tagged ‘lana del rey’
I actually saw this video a few days ago, but I debated on whether to post it because I don’t want to be blamed for you losing 10 minutes of your life. Also, just like always, while it was beautiful to look at I felt the same way about the “Ride” video that I do about everything Lana Del Rey does: Its a try-too-hardsy wannabe American hipster that somehow manages to suck the joy out of my life just by appearing on my computer screen. That being said, if you like a raspy-voiced poetic diatribe that keeps going and going and going even after your ears are bleeding harder than Lana’s asshole after whatever casting couch experience made her a star, go for it. If you want to see her re-enact the Jodie Foster movie “The Accused” by bending over a pinball machine to get plowed by a man who reminds me way too much of my dad, take a look. Also not to be missed: Lana swinging on a tire swing attached to an invisible tree, Lana chain-smoking ironically by a gas pump, and Lana making angry honey-badger faces while being chase-raped around the desert by men in wife-beaters and denim. Oh, and she fucks a senator.
If that isn’t the American dream, then I don’t know what the fuck is.
An Explanation For Why Lana Del Rey Never Smiles
I always wondered why Lana Del Rey never smiles much- she seems to have it all. She has successfully tricked most of the free world into thinking she has street cred by wearing tight leggings, hanging out in Brooklyn and smoking hand-rolled cigarettes. She swam with a CGI alligator for fucks sake- courtesy of a great team of gays a la Lady Gaga. If I were her, my smile would be so big it would wrap around my head and eat itself.
Alas, Lana Del Rey doesn’t smile, because when she does, she looks like an anorexic gremlin baby having a seizure. Somebody give her something to chew on before she bites her tongue off–which would be horrible because then her incorrigible moaning might actually make sense. You can put her in as many floral dresses, with floral headbands, and bed-sheet backdrops that my memaw used to cover the cat-piss stains on her plastic sofa as you want, but she will still be able to devour your fucking soul with one look. And she will still never look happy.
All I am saying is, Read more…
Beyonce, because she decided to break into Nicki Minaj’s closet and wear one of her wigs as a dress. Besides, obviously when you have just pushed a baby out of your gine you should cover all your stretch marks by wearing something as black and transparent as the fact that you DIDN’T JUST PUSH A BABY OUT OF YOUR GINE.
Lana Del Rey, just because she’s Lana Del Rey. She wore the cape to cover the big old stick that is protruding from her ass, which has gotten so heavy she had to attach a wheel to it like a fucking Radio Flyer. Del Rey is so desperate for street cred she pulled a Victoria Beckham, and sucked on a lemon dipped in cocaine all night so she wouldn’t accidentally smile. Props to her for Read more…
A Gloganvlog Random Tuesday Afternoon Music Update.
Hey, kids. How you Laura Dern? You finally managed to shake off that persistent, lingering Sunday brunch hangover? Ready to talk about music perhaps? Maybe?
Lana Del Rey’s album, “Born to Die,” was officially released today. Any of y’all already listened to it ten times through on repeat? Excepting a stan-tastic rave review on Gloganvlog?
Not so much of that here, I’m afraid. Don’t get me wrong: I think the album’s great. I think it lived up to my expectations and then some. That said, basically everyone on the entire internet has already chimed in on what they think about it, often at agonizing length, and I just can’t be bothered to contribute to that. Suffice to say, if, like me, you are at all into super stylish, well-produced moody electropop, get your filthy gay hands on a copy of that album, ASAP.
Instead of talking about Lana, I figured I’d link some music videos that I think don’t suck too hard. Maybe you can watch them while you’re waiting for the pain of your bleak existence the workday to end and let me know what you think in the comments.
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Phantogram – When I’m Small
I love that one of my very favorite songs of 2010 got what is basically a perfect video treatment: a mini movie that’s just as sexy, cool and impeccably produced as the song itself.
Gloganvlog Analysis: Lana del Rey
As we look forward to see who is going to be the next overexposed artist in music and fashion for 2012, it’s hard to skip over Lana Del Rey. Frecks placed her song “Video Games” on his #2 spot on his Top Ten Songs of 2011 list. Miss Del Rey was just signed to join Next Modeling Agency and will sing at the Dior Spring/Summer 2012 Preview.
So, does Lana have what it takes to go down the fashion/music path that was once walked by Amy Winehouse and Lady Gaga? We have a suspicion she might, and we take a look at why. Read more…
