Posts tagged ‘lady gaga’
Several Ways Jesus Was Like A Gay Guy
He was ostracized from his community because he was different. Then he got nailed, hard.
He had a rough week, then slept for three days straight. Basically me after Gay Days, The White Party, or Labor Day weekend at Fire Island.
He surrounded himself with 12 men. Just look at the Facebook profile of any gay guy for a modern, shirtless redux of the 12 apostles. Or disciples. Or whatever. I never actually read the bible, I just skimmed a few Amazon reviews.
He wore a dress. Granted, it was a little more coverage than I would prefer- you should make a choice between showcasing decolletage, legs, or arms and stick to it but people were a lot more conservative back in medieval times when he lived.
He had a bitchin beard. If Jesus walked around town in the Castro, bears everywhere would Read more…
An Explanation For Why Lana Del Rey Never Smiles
I always wondered why Lana Del Rey never smiles much- she seems to have it all. She has successfully tricked most of the free world into thinking she has street cred by wearing tight leggings, hanging out in Brooklyn and smoking hand-rolled cigarettes. She swam with a CGI alligator for fucks sake- courtesy of a great team of gays a la Lady Gaga. If I were her, my smile would be so big it would wrap around my head and eat itself.
Alas, Lana Del Rey doesn’t smile, because when she does, she looks like an anorexic gremlin baby having a seizure. Somebody give her something to chew on before she bites her tongue off–which would be horrible because then her incorrigible moaning might actually make sense. You can put her in as many floral dresses, with floral headbands, and bed-sheet backdrops that my memaw used to cover the cat-piss stains on her plastic sofa as you want, but she will still be able to devour your fucking soul with one look. And she will still never look happy.
All I am saying is, Read more…
Meanwhile in 2047….
Weho Queens Ruin Everything: Call Me Maybe
Its no secret that: #1- There is a standing rivalry between the queens of Weho and the gays gangs of New York. It all started when the Fire Island crowd queer-mixed Miley’s Party in the USA on Fire Island. And if its any indication of how gay I am, I just referred to Miley Cyrus by her first name. #2- Its stupid. Totally stupes. Stewpie Griffin.
Anyway, the queens of Weho have now queer-mixed a song by Carly Rae Jepson, (who is obviously Canadian based on her reprehensible name- this may or may not be factual as Avril Lavigne and Alanis Morisette are my only points of reference) and bastardized it into an all-male lip-sync for your life including saggy he-tits and teeth that look like the rocky mountains after a nuclear holocaust in which only those that can gnaw through granite survive.
I have included both videos here. #1- Because when I first heard this song by Carly Rae Jepson I thought it was more annoying than an all girls slumber party without booze until I got to the very end. Then, I decided that even though she is obviously Canadian, I love her.
#2- It is a testament to the laziness of Gays. We need to Read more…
Close Your Legs. Open Your Mind.
Let’s face it. We are all lost within the moral matrix of life. Our openness to experience seems to dwell more on the sexual side than on the educational/life experiences side. I’m having a hard time understanding why so many gay men are closed minded. Are they afraid to go against the ingroup? Do they not have justification for believing in something that isn’t popular? I will sound like I’m stereotyping the population, which means I would be including every member of that population in my statements but rather I’m just including the mass majority of gay men. However, it seems that what’s popular and simple attract the majority of gay men.I’ll keep it in lamen terms.
Let’s take for example MUSIC. Our one universal language that we all can connect to on some level or another. Now why is it that the general population of gay men is attracted to the sounds of Lady Gaga or Britney Spears or Rihanna or David Guetta? Why don’t the majority of gays like heavy metal instead? Why is it that so few would ever think to download a Black Sabbath song? Is there too much testosterone in this music? Does the masculinity of the music scare gays away? It seems that a beat, crappy lyrics, mass produced songs and over-commercialized music is required to penetrate the ear drums of gay boys/men.
I’m going to go ahead and take a long shot here… Read more…
One Picture to Recap the Grammys
Lady Gaga’s Descent Into Homelessness
The world has been watching Lady Gaga for a while now, perched delicately on its axis with a dirty martini in one hand and a cell phone in the other just waiting to tweet about her whens he finally slips up and and goes bat shit. Anyone that wears a dress made out of Kermit the Frog can’t possibly be that far from insanity, right?
But the more I think about it, the more I think she might actually be smart. These celebrities that create larger than life public persona’s might actually be doing something intelligent. If you think about it, celebrities like Taylor Swift and Zac Efron can’t leave their doorsteps without being mauled by fans and papparazzi. Lady Gaga on the other hand could walk through the mall of America completely naked with flashing neon lights around her anus and areolas, and if she weren’t Read more…
A Glimpse Into The Future Of Pop Stars
They didn’t put Madonna on here, because frankly I think we all know that she will probably look exactly the same in 2045. Other popstars however, aren’t aging so well. If you think about it, its got to be tough being in the limelight and having your every bowel movement captured by the paparazzi. The only thing I can think of that is more embarrassing than having your corn-nut cleveland steamer blasted all over the cover of US weekly is Read more…
New Celebrity Feud: Nicki Minaj Versus Lady Gaga?
Some times something just slaps you right in the face so hard that you can’t possibly ignore it. Sort of like when you are in a Rest Stop bathroom and somehow end up on your knees giving blowies to truckers that tip you with state flower keychains and denim jackets. As well all know, the Madonnagaga feud has been going on for a while now. Beyonce has been accused of ripping off every major artist for the last decade. It is pretty fucking obvious that the entire music industry is derivative of itself over, and over again. But then someone smart comes along and makes a statement about it. Perhaps this someone dresses like a person with a serious addiction to sniffing glue. Perhaps this person’s wigs come to the Ricky’s after Halloween bargain bin sale and their makeup is obviously colorful lead paint. Maybe this person has a thousand different personalities and none of them seem that pleasant. Regardless, I think Nicki Minaj is either:
A) Batshit.
B) Trying to leech off of the Madonnagaga publicity since nobody cares that she is the new Little Kim anymore.
C) She is making a statement that inspiration comes from all sorts of places, and Read more…
Madonna: You Frigid Jealous Bitch
I have not been this upset since the Britney Spears VMA incident of 2007. HOW F^&*ING DARE YOU MADONNA.
To my DISMAY this morning, I came across several media outlets expelling previews to a rather ‘reductive’ interview happening tonight on 20/20 whereby jealous grandma Madonna sounds off on her feelings towards Our Lady Of Gaga’s music and the Born This Way Video (I’ve never seen PROSTHETICS IN YOUR FACE DURING A MUSIC VIDEO. DID YOU PULL A MACHINE GUN OUT OF YOUR VAGINA??? DIDN’T THINK SO).
Born This Way: Machine Gun From Vagina: MADONNA WHERE IS YOURS???
Obviously somebody feels a tad Read more…
