Skip to content

Posts tagged ‘lady gaga’

comment

Has Lady Gaga Lost Her Edge? Seven Ways The “Applause” Video Is Derivative

August 20, 2013

lady gaga applause video derivative

If I wanted to sia crackwhore with crayons smeared all over her face, I could just go visit my niece in Florida.

 

Is Lady Gaga a true original, or is she a random, molly-induced mash-up of Sia, Little Edie, the five-for-five roast beef sandie promotion at Arby’s, Natalie Portman, Yellow Bastard, a few garbage bags, J’LO (it’s French now), Rumplestiltskin, Kermit the Frog, and a used heroin needle?

Many critics in the past have said that that the whole Lady Gaga persona is reductive and derivative, a direct ripoff of other artists like Madonna, Grace Jones, Annie Lennox, and every homeless person wearing a colostomy bag from 7-11 you have ever seen. I believe that in this day and age, its impossible to not get inspired by whatever came before you, even if that includes wearing a meat dress that was originally featured on an episode of America’s Next Top Model (to me, the only people who should be inspired by Tyra Banks are gay men in their twenties that suffer from male pattern baldness). Still, all it took for me to find her inspiration was about 15 minutes of drunken Googling (minus the 3 minutes I took to stare at photos of Drew Barrymore playing a future version of herself).

I know I will probably get a lot of flack from this, because Gaga fans (much like Britney fans, minus the Craigslist Blowjobs) are almost as psychotically obsessed as whoever covers her in glue, rolls her in a thrift store bargain bin of drag queen cast-offs, and sends her out the door, but I don’t care. I took a Hippocratic oath many moons ago to always speak the truth, and when I find that impossible, to attempt to make fun of it.

On the off chance that you want to know what I really think, I actually really like both the Applause video and the song. Did it look like a Neutrogena commercial at some points? Yes. Did that Sigourney Weaver swan bullshit manage to be both a less creative version of Little Talks and more over-the-top than Liberace’s toupee? Absolutely.

But I like that she is toning it down a little, because even the most glamorous cocaine binges can only last so long before you have to show the world who you really are inside.

lady gaga applause video derivative

Even 500 lb shut-in Little Edie is wondering where the fuck Gaga’s eyebrows are.

lady gaga applause video derivative

All we need is a horny schizophrenic Natalie Portman and a sopping wet mattress to recreate Swan Lake.

lady gaga applause video derivative

Who knew that liver jaundice could be so sexy and trendy? Read more…

Several Ways Jesus Was Like A Gay Guy

September 19, 2012

He was ostracized from his community because he was different. Then he got nailed, hard.

He had a rough week, then slept for three days straight. Basically me after Gay Days, The White Party, or Labor Day weekend at Fire Island.

He surrounded himself with 12 men. Just look at the Facebook profile of any gay guy for a modern, shirtless redux of the 12 apostles. Or disciples. Or whatever. I never actually read the bible, I just skimmed a few Amazon reviews.

He wore a dress. Granted, it was a little more coverage than I would prefer- you should make a choice between showcasing decolletage, legs, or arms and stick to it but people were a lot more conservative back in medieval times when he lived.

He had a bitchin beard. If Jesus walked around town in the Castro, bears everywhere would Read more…

An Explanation For Why Lana Del Rey Never Smiles

July 27, 2012

I always wondered why Lana Del Rey never smiles much- she seems to have it all. She has successfully tricked most of the free world into thinking she has street cred by wearing tight leggings, hanging out in Brooklyn and smoking hand-rolled cigarettes. She swam with a CGI alligator for fucks sake- courtesy of a great team of gays a la Lady Gaga. If I were her, my smile would be so big it would wrap around my head and eat itself.

Alas, Lana Del Rey doesn’t smile, because when she does, she looks like an anorexic gremlin baby having a seizure. Somebody give her something to chew on before she bites her tongue off–which would be horrible because then her incorrigible moaning might actually make sense. You can put her in as many floral dresses, with floral headbands, and bed-sheet backdrops that my memaw used to cover the cat-piss stains on her plastic sofa as you want, but she will still be able to devour your fucking soul with one look. And she will still never look happy.

All I am saying is, Read more…

Meanwhile in 2047….

May 9, 2012

Weho Queens Ruin Everything: Call Me Maybe

May 3, 2012

Its no secret that: #1- There is a standing rivalry between the queens of Weho and the gays gangs of New York. It all started when the Fire Island crowd queer-mixed Miley’s Party in the USA on Fire Island. And if its any indication of how gay I am, I just referred to Miley Cyrus by her first name. #2- Its stupid. Totally stupes. Stewpie Griffin.

Anyway, the queens of Weho have now queer-mixed a song by Carly Rae Jepson, (who is obviously Canadian based on her reprehensible name- this may or may not be factual as Avril Lavigne and Alanis Morisette are my only points of reference) and bastardized it into an all-male lip-sync for your life including saggy he-tits and teeth that look like the rocky mountains after a nuclear holocaust in which only those that can gnaw through granite survive.

I have included both videos here. #1- Because when I first heard this song by Carly Rae Jepson I thought it was more annoying than an all girls slumber party without booze until I got to the very end. Then, I decided that even though she is obviously Canadian, I love her.

#2- It is a testament to the laziness of Gays. We need to Read more…

Close Your Legs. Open Your Mind.

February 16, 2012

Let’s face it. We are all lost within the moral matrix of life.  Our openness to experience seems to dwell more on the sexual side than on the educational/life experiences side. I’m having a hard time understanding why so many gay men are closed minded. Are they afraid to go against the ingroup? Do they not have justification for believing in something that isn’t popular? I will sound like I’m stereotyping the population, which means I would be including every member of that population in my statements but rather I’m just including the mass majority of gay men. However, it seems that what’s popular and simple attract the majority of gay men.I’ll keep it in lamen terms.

Let’s take for example MUSIC. Our one universal language that we all can connect to on some level or another. Now why is it that the general population of gay men is attracted to the sounds of Lady Gaga or Britney Spears or Rihanna or David Guetta? Why don’t the majority of gays like heavy metal instead? Why is it that so few would ever think to download a Black Sabbath song? Is there too much testosterone in this music? Does the masculinity of the music scare gays away? It seems that a beat, crappy lyrics, mass produced songs and over-commercialized music is required to penetrate the ear drums of gay boys/men.

I’m going to go ahead and take a long shot here… Read more…

One Picture to Recap the Grammys

February 14, 2012

Lady Gaga’s Descent Into Homelessness

February 13, 2012

The world has been watching Lady Gaga for a while now, perched delicately on its axis with a dirty martini in one hand and a cell phone in the other just waiting to tweet about her whens he finally slips up and and goes bat shit. Anyone that wears a dress made out of Kermit the Frog can’t possibly be that far from insanity, right?

But the more I think about it, the more I think she might actually be smart. These celebrities that create larger than life public persona’s might actually be doing something intelligent. If you think about it, celebrities like Taylor Swift and Zac Efron can’t leave their doorsteps without being mauled by fans and papparazzi. Lady Gaga on the other hand could walk through the mall of America completely naked with flashing neon lights around her anus and areolas, and if she weren’t Read more…

A Glimpse Into The Future Of Pop Stars

February 3, 2012

They didn’t put Madonna on here, because frankly I think we all know that she will probably look exactly the same in 2045. Other popstars however, aren’t aging so well. If you think about it, its got to be tough being in the limelight and having your every bowel movement captured by the paparazzi. The only thing I can think of that is more embarrassing than having your corn-nut cleveland steamer blasted all over the cover of US weekly is Read more…

New Celebrity Feud: Nicki Minaj Versus Lady Gaga?

January 21, 2012

Some times something just slaps you right in the face so hard that you can’t possibly ignore it. Sort of like when you are in a Rest Stop bathroom and somehow end up on your knees giving blowies to truckers that tip you with state flower keychains and denim jackets. As well all know, the Madonnagaga feud has been going on for a while now. Beyonce has been accused of ripping off every major artist for the last decade. It is pretty fucking obvious that the entire music industry is derivative of itself over, and over again. But then someone smart comes along and makes a statement about it. Perhaps this someone dresses like a person with a serious addiction to sniffing glue. Perhaps this person’s wigs come to the Ricky’s after Halloween bargain bin sale and their makeup is obviously colorful lead paint. Maybe this person has a thousand different personalities and none of them seem that pleasant. Regardless, I think Nicki Minaj is either:

A) Batshit.

B) Trying to leech off of the Madonnagaga publicity since nobody cares that she is the new Little Kim anymore.

C) She is making a statement that inspiration comes from all sorts of places, and Read more…