Posts tagged ‘kim kardashian’
As a gay woman in America I have learned a lot this year. I’ve learned that Republican’s think women can’t figure out what to do with their own bodies because it’s still 1920.
I’ve learned that people will support a fast food chicken chain and then correlate it to buying gasoline. Because you can’t get food anywhere else. And more specifically there are no other fucking chicken places to go to. It must be Chick-fil-a.
I’ve learned that Kanye West started dating the only other person who could be more self involved than he is. Kim Kardashian.
However, Todd Akin (Missouri Senate Candidate) has really upped the anti with his incredibly intelligent stance on women and how they handle rape…
These eyebrow-less celebrities speak to my soul. Here is what they say:
Angelina Jolie: I waxed my face with Pine Sol, and buffed my eyebrows to nubs. Now, my forehead is more slippery than a ski-slope. No more rug-burns when I play motorboat the muff doggie-style with Cambodian lesbians.
Anna Paquin: I am going to eat your fucking soul. Because I am a Harlequin baby.
Anne Hathaway: My father was an albino man and my mother was a titmouse. They were biological twins.
Mila Kunis: I am absolutely not fucking Ashton Kutcher.
Mila Kunis: He’s fucking me. So suck it, turd-smugglers. Read more…
I’ll say this for Kim Kardashian: She is a woman that knows what she wants, and when she wants something, her mother is not afraid to go after it. There are some things that tabloids fabricate and exacerbate, and there are some things they don’t. Kim Kardashians desperation to befriend Beyonce is 100% real. Examine the evidence:
She was so desperate to become famous she not only put up with Paris Hilton’s moronic baby prostitute voice, but she adopted it.
Then, she let the entire world see her get railed by a BBD. (Big Black Duck, obviously).
Then, she paraded two of her family’s biggest regrets and secrets (Kourtney, who originally played the female Gremlin in the 15th Gremlin movie) and Khloe (If you don’t see the resemblance between her and King Kong, you should probably scrub the jizz from your eyes) on 13 different reality shows.
And as a result, effectively destroyed the letter “K”. How do you destroy and embarrass a letter in the alphabet? You know that every time “K” shows up at the birthday parties of the other alphabet letters they are all like “How did that desperate bitch get past security? She’s worse than Lindsay Lohan.”
Now, she is dating Read more…
First of all, is anyone actually falling for this crap? Kanye West only has eyes for one person in the entire world. That person is a man.
That person is himself.
He has actually transcended typical gayness completely and is head over dicks in love with himself. Word on the street is that he has even figured out a way to insert his own choco-bar into his members-only ass. It was pretty easy once Kim K got naked, because Little Kanye got intimidated by her double muffaletta and tried to retreat into its hole. That was a lot of food metaphors. Maybe I am hungry.
The only person in the Continental United States who is more in love with themselves than him is Kim Kardashian. Every single thing she does, from popping her ass zits to surgically removing the eyelashes from a baby giraffe to make her eyes pop is staged for a camera. Her New Jersian Housewifian mother Kris orchestrates her every movement and botox threatened tear while her ex-Olympian stepfather silently Read more…
They didn’t put Madonna on here, because frankly I think we all know that she will probably look exactly the same in 2045. Other popstars however, aren’t aging so well. If you think about it, its got to be tough being in the limelight and having your every bowel movement captured by the paparazzi. The only thing I can think of that is more embarrassing than having your corn-nut cleveland steamer blasted all over the cover of US weekly is Read more…
***Disclaimer: I am not against marriage (& yes this blog will be a bit more serious)***
I refer you to this article written by a psychotherapist before continuing to read: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/intelligent-lust/201201/the-case-against-marriage
Okay so divorce rates for first marriages are at a steady 50%, 60% and higher for second marriages and even worse stats for 3rd marriages and beyond. These are currently the statistics for heterosexual marriages. If we factor in homosexual marriages in a few years I’m sure the rates will go even higher. Is this an unfounded statement? Slightly, yes. Do we stop fighting for marriage equality? Not at all, but we just don’t focus as much attention on it. Marriage has profound psychological effects on a person that have been founded with empirical research dating back to the 1950′s. Many of those effects have actually been damaging to the relationship. The idea & concept of a nuclear family is no longer what it was. Over 40% of children are now born outside of marriage. What are we doing wrong here? Read more…
First and formost, I love girls. I love them. Sometimes I feel it’s some sick joke God played, churning out a homo back in 84′. But this is my one annoyance with straight girls. WHY GOD WHY IS GETTING MARRIED THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD TO YOU?!?!?!?!?!
I cannot tell you how many times I have had to sit through a gut wrenching conversation about a wedding, dress shopping, brides maid bullshit, bachelorette parties – the list goes on and on. No one cares. No one cares about anything at a wedding but an OPEN BAR.
Today, I woke up, flipped on the IV I normally have linked to People.com and discovered that Kim Kardashian (‘s giant ass) is getting married. To her beau of SIX, YES SIX!, months. What’s the reason for the whirl wind romance? She’s thirty. To be thirty, female and single is equivalent to being a a homosexual Read more…
I have been hanging around a lot with a guy lately. He’s absolutely adorable with curly brown hair and a great smile. He dresses well and I get along well with his family. He is my friend Bryce’s son. He is about 2 years old.
On several occasions when I have been having a bad day spending 5 minutes with this expressive little nugget changes my entire mood. Being around someone who is so open with the way he feels puts a lot of my feelings in perspective, and suddenly the world doesn’t revolve around me. It revolves around him. And I realize what is really important. I am also reminded of my niece and nephew Joscelyn and George ( my sister is a kick-ass baby namer). They make me happy in a way that nothing else really can.
This is my entire basis for why Gay people should be allowed to adopt. Because children make the world a better place merely by being themselves. But they need people to raise them and keep them safe. Gay, straight, or (shudder) lesbian, a loving home is a loving home. Here are some other reasons:
1. Lesbian raised (laised) children will grow up working on cars. Lesbians are also the first people to call you out if you are being a little bitch. This results in a new wave of honest mechanics–a previous oxymoron becomes a happy reality.