Posts tagged ‘kathy griffin’
Granted, she is playing a hooker on Lifetime, but still, I had to give credit where credit is due and let you all know that The Client List is actually good. Here is the synopsis: Huge tits, single mother named Riley Parks (For fucks sake), gives blowies and handies for cash money at a massage parlor. That’s all you really need to know.
The problem is, Jennifer Love Hewitt was on my Ultimate American She-Douche list, along with the likes of Zooey Deschanel, Katy Perry and Rachel Bilson.
But goddamnit, I actually like this show. Despite the fact that all the johns are drop dead gorgeous (If the guys that solicit prostitutes actually looked like male fuckin models I would just sit in my apartment, bent over, making paper). But in the spirit of all things light, here is a list of things that IN THE PAST I would have rather watched than a series starring Jennifer Love Hewitt:
-An infant baby bunny rabbit being raped by a polar bear with Steve Buscemi’s head, a razor blade dick and incredibly large, engorged udders.
-The inside of an Express store.
-The Octomom Nadya Suleyman’s alienesque vaginasshole. I imagine it looks like a placenta pie in a third world country (I’m thinking Russia?).
-Kathy Griffin’s face without makeup.
-Jennifer Lopez’s ego, personified.
-The Liverspots on the liverspots on Ronald Reagan’s nipples.
-Zooey Deschanel, in person.
That being said, Kudos Jennifer Love Hewitt for escaping off my Ultimate American She-Douche list. And for those of you who have been living under a rock, here is the image from the billboards where they shrunk that poor hoes tits.
If you are coming to this site to hear credible news, then you are clearly retarded and gullible so by all means, believe everything I say here. In political news, Hillary Clinton spoke at the United Nations offices in Geneva on Tuesday and announced the Global Equality Fund, backed by her and President Obama, which is a new global initiative to support gay rights.
As a gay man, I think this is fucking awesome. As someone who tries to remain blissfully ignorant of politics ( I live in NYC, not DC – Which means I enjoy fun and sex, not politics and J Crew) I can’t help but see a bigger picture here.
1. Even though Obama beat Hillary in whatever pissing contest they had a few years ago to run as the democratic nominee ( I am assuming this involved them docking) she is still calling the shots. Just like she did when her husband, Bill Clinton was in office. This goes to show you that Hillary Clinton is a ball busting sum’ bitch and should have been president. Back then I remember thinking: “Meh, I prefer a woman or a black man, but either way Thanksgiving dinner with my racist, sexist uncle is going to be a lot more interesting.” Then I realized I didn’t have an uncle, and also that I didn’t truly care who won.
2. Basically, we just can’t leave other countries alone. From what I gather from my 2 minute perusal of this issue we are going to use this fund to Read more…
The guy I cocked last night seems to think I look like Jacob from Twilight. Yes, he is very very attractive so No, he doesn’t have to be smart or have especially good taste. So the pic to the left is me trying my best to look like Taylor Lautner–asian nail salon judgy eyes, nose resembling a recycled soup can and juiced up shoulders abound. And I did try to growl for him but it came out sounding more like a guinea pig receiving a prostate exam.
Let me also formally state that I don’t understand why everyone is out and about and clogging up the trains so early. Doesn’t anyone sleep anymore?