Posts tagged ‘JC Penny’
A Schbiel On Businesses Supporting Those Damn Gays
I wish I could say I wrote this but alas I did not. However it sounds like something that a Jewpacabra such as myself would write, so enjoy….
Yes, please boycott Oreo for their support of Gay Rights. We’ll all appreciate you going on a diet. While you’re at it, please also throw away your iPod, iPhone, and iPad since Apple supports as well. Hopefully you have lots of clothes, because you’ll need to ditch your Levi’s and Nike’s too. Perhaps you bought them at … JC Penney’s or Sears? Sucks you’ll have to take them back … or actually, anything you wear from anywhere probably had a gay involved. Flying somewhere soon? Better not be on American, Delta, Southwest, or United…you’ll need a new ticket. Airline wasn’t mentioned? Just be sure your jet isn’t Boeing made. Don’t sleep at Marriott or Hilton (or any of their family brands) because you might catch the gay they support. That morning coffee from Starbucks will have to go as well, go ahead it replace it with a McCafe…oh wait, McDonald’s supports gay rights too. Hmm, do you clean with Tide, Gain, or Bounty? Use Duracell batteries, shave with Gillette, or use Fixodent? Brush with Crest, use Pantene, Scope, Tampax, Venus, or Old Spice products? Those are all gone too, stupid Proctor & Gamble supporting the gays. Damn, you’re using Internet Explorer or Crome to see Facebook and read this status? Download something else, Microsoft and Google show their Pride as well. Ah, but your drinks are safe. Coca-Cola, Pepsi, and Budweiser are on your side … if your side is on the right side of history since all three also support Gay Rights. Hopefully, you or your lawyer will never need in-depth research. Both LexisNexis and Westlaw, who together control the market, support Gay Rights. Drive that big, manly, Ford F350? It’s a “Friend of Dorothy” too, as it’s company Ford and General Motors also support the rights of all. So, do us all a favor, don’t take it all out on a festive cookie … just stay home and boycott everything.
JCPenney Supports Ellen and Gay Rights
Why do people always gotta hate?! In case you didn’t know, Ellen Degeneres has been named JCPenney’s new spokesperson – apparently Ellen was attracted to the new the Birkenstock section.
Well, because Mrs. Degeneres is gay you just knew that someone, somewhere was going to take issue with JCP’s decision . That someone is a group called One Million Moms who have protested tooth and nail against Ellen being the woman choosen for the job. But my hat goes off to JCP for holding their ground and not succumbing to the biggots at One Million Moms. And just for the record there isn’t even close to one million moms in One Million Moms – very misleading if you ask me. Check out Ellen speaking about her new job as spokesperson and speaking out against the haters!
