Posts tagged ‘japan’
Gloganvlog Reader Submission: One Direction I Will Not Be Taking
Today’s reader submission comes again from Jesse G, in Fl. Speaking of coming again, I hereby solemnly swear that I will never go anywhere that “Banging Sue” is an option. I like to think I live my life in a pretty fly-by-night kind of way and am open to many possibilities, but banging Sue would never happen. This is not only because Sue is obviously a girl – but also because it has been scientifically proven that all girls named Sue work in convenience stores, have bleached bangs, nicotine under their fingernails, frosted pink lipstick, and stretch marks from pushing out their cousin Biff’s melon-headed kid.
Wisdom From Facebook: Sunday Racism
From Jackets to Sex Robots: Japan’s Innovation Continues
Who said that Japan lost their cutting edge sense of innovation? While I doubt it’s coming to your local Uniqluo anytime soon, since each jacket is $140, I’m looking forward to their next hybrid… any suggestions?
Didn’t they invent the Fleshjack anyway? I know they’re working on sex robots. I hope they don’t only come in extra small.
No more fucking birthdays! (Part One)
I apologize for not writing about this past weekend before now. We have gearing up for our upcoming AIDS walk and Cherry Auction so things have been a bit crazy! I promise it was worth the wait.
This weekends recap (If you don’t want to read the rest)
3 handles of Svedka, 1 handle of Absolute Brooklyn, 1 bottle of tequila, 1 bottle of Coconut Rum, 1 bottle of triple sec, 11 bottles of beer (assorted varieties), 8 cans of beer (again, assorted varities), 3 mini bottles of absolute, and a various drinks out at the club. This is what happens when we celebrate two birthdays in one weekend…
Paw’s Birthday (Thursday)
We all went to Southern Hospitality for Paw’s birthday fiasco. One of the things I like about Southern Hospitality is their integration of Social Media. For example, if you like their Facebook Page you can save 10% off your meal. Fucking awesome!
One of the things I don’t like about Southern Hospitality is the bitchy cunt licking servers and the managers who love them. After I liked the establishment on Facebook I proceeded to show the waitress on my iPhone. She got all crazy eyed and proceed to tell me “Sorry, sir we don’t do that.” First of all I’m a ma’am not a sir; second of all if it states on your menu that you take 10% off then you fucking take 10% off!
If there is one thing you don’t want in your restaurant it’s a drunk gay Jew. I bitched out our waitress, who still didn’t cave, then I bitched out her manager who still didn’t cave, then I bitched out the head chef who finally gave us all free drinks and apologized. Whatever happened to fucking customer service??
Dear Chelsea Handler, Your Vaginal Euphemism Realized
While I am hell bent on referring to vaginals as Gines at this current moment I can understand and appreciate different slang words: hotbox, cooter, bizzy furlough, fuzzy mimosa, chowderbucket, coinslot, devils hairlip, and the list goes on. But I do want to dedicate this post to Chelsea Handler who lovingly refers to her baloney bucket as a Pikachu.
Ironic, isn’t it? A Jewish girl referring to her Gine as a japanese cartoon character? I think what she is really saying is that her Bea Arthur looks the same as everyone elses, has purple hair and cat ears, wears slutty sailor costumes at inappropriate times, thinks a 4 inch dick is Too Big, it hurts, and frankly doesn’t make any sense at all.
Caught on Tape: Miss Piggy Wiping her Ass with Britney Spears
Let me preface by explaining how this post is relevant:
1: It’s gay. Because nothing is more gay than maribou trim, bedazzled bodices,online dating, and the apolcalypse.
2: It’s fucked up. Britney Spears clearly hasn’t had a sober day since Oops, I did ecstacy+anal again.
3: It’s tragic. And any time two fat bitches are going to fight, I’m going to write! Also, I am assuming she is working with a new weavologist, but her hair still looks like the before picture of a tresemme dry shampoo commercial. On PBS.
There are a few hundred things wrong with this video. I will chronicle these phenomenons after the jump. Read more…
