Posts tagged ‘internet’

I remember a long time ago in high school, the younger sister of one of my friends was having a party. She asked us to attend, and I remember thinking: “WTF kind of shit party could a 14 year old really have?” (mind you, this is before all 14 years olds began giving blowies in stolen cars after hijacking meth which they snorted off the faces of their bedazzled iphones–it was a simpler time).

Come to find out she was having an internet party with her internet friends. This consisted of a bunch of middle aged people pretending to be preteens sitting around a chatroom eating imaginary refreshments and listening to imaginary music. I cannot possibly convey to you how sad and pathetic this seemed to me. But I still didn’t go.

The internet can be a valuable tool and has completely changed the way we communicate. It can be a time waster, a relationship breaker, a great masturbation tool, and (in my case) someone’s livelihood. (actually, all of the above apply to me.) Some people use it for darker purposes though–for spending hours upon hours playing games that create virtual realities which are somehow better than their lives. Farmville and Vampire Wars are two examples of this.

And if you think about it–Farmville is kind of ironic. In the olden days we used to spend most of our time out in the world tilling the soil and fucking pigs and growing our own food. Now we have a game that simulates that experience–only without any actual crops or nourishment, exercise or blisters, beauty or boll weevils.

So my point is this: If you want to spend hours sipping fountain coca cola and counting the lbs puddling around your happy trail then by all means go ahead. BUT STOP TRYING TO GET OTHER PEOPLE TO DO IT TOO.

Nobody cares about your fucking farm, how many chests of vampire gold you have, or if you have a stamina of 9 and a charisma of a 1, 450tits. We don’t want to play with you, so stop making us feel bad by sending a constant barrage of invites. Truth be told we probably accepted your friend request because we felt bad in the first place.

I am completely in favor of people wasting their own time however they see fit. In fact, I spend an inordinate amount of time in the bathtub, and yes–I watch the Real Housewives of New York which is a bigger waste of time than trying to get drunk off skinny girl margaritas. But in this age, where the internet makes it possible to share everything with everyone, there are still some things you should keep to yourselves.