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Posts tagged ‘hulk hogan’

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RuPaul’s New Drag Queens Will Beat You Then Eat You

January 31, 2012

I’m serious guys. I watched the interviews with each of the drag race contestants. I’m going to give you a quick rundown before you even watch episode 2 of this season of drag disg-race.

1. Jiggly Caliente

Jiggly Caliente is definitely jiggly, but as for the caliente….I guess she adds hot sauce to the audience members that she consumes?

2. Chad Michaels

I was unaware Hulk Hogan‘s ex-wife, Linda Hogan was going to be in this season’s race. She’s going under the moniker Chad Michaels (maybe after her new 17 y/o boyfriend?)

3.  Kenya Michaels

Well I mean…that’s cool I guess. I think the Oompa Loompa‘s spoke English better though (oh and their make-up was better too).
4. Sharon Needles
Oh my. This really is the child of Marilyn Monroe and Charles Manson. I really can’t even make fun of this one. The Hannibal Lecter of drag queens.
5. Madame LeQueer
Delta Burke is back and this time she has a Puerto Rican accent! She’s preparing for her new show; Re-Designing Women
6. Latrice Royal
She actually did eat three of last year’s contestants (hence why you haven’t seen them). This is her ready to strike a meal (not a pose). Have you heard her talk? She sounds like Lamar Odom.
7. Lashauwn Beyond
I mean maybe the rumors are true about LeBron James being gay? I always saw the inner drag queen in him.
Thankfully there are a few saving graces. The Princess, Milan, Wilam and Alisa Summers seem to be promising.
Well looks like I won’t be booking any of these queens at any of my events! Ha!

Spring Is Coming And This Little Girl Is A Bitch

April 26, 2011

I couldn’t help but stop and smell the tulips today. Actually, I could because I don’t like tulips based solely on their name. Pronounced two-lips. It sends shudders right up my brittle homo scrotum.¬† Pronounced Homotum. (Yes, we do have different anatomies than straight people. Its how we manage to drink more, eat less, exercise like a pair of black lesbian twin pro tennis players, and still have so much sex. We are basically magical beings and our secret power is to decorate interiors .

But I digress. Spring is finally steadily approaching and this means what for the gays?

Central Park (or any park for that matter) will again become our stomping ground.

1. The cherry blossoms are blooming. Since pink is every The Gay’s favorite color, its like our creator Satan is showering the world with little sprinklets of homo fairy love. The flowering trees come in two colors: Blush and Bashful and one sniff of them will send any towering lesbian into a diabetic coma.

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