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Posts tagged ‘HSN’

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Mariah Carey on HSN – Which Stands for Holy Shit Niggabecrazy

September 7, 2011

Why are we so Obsessed with Mariah – cause she is out of her damn mind. Check out this little diddy from her HSN appearance.

 

The Pointless, Lazy Inventions Of The Average American

July 25, 2011

Have you ever thought about how many technological devices have been invented to make our lives easier–but in reality are a bit asinine?

People movers- I have been late to catch a flight enough times in my life to know that there is obviously a really good reason for people movers, but come on! Who decided that a long flat stretch of room was so absolutely daunting and horrifying that they needed to put a big moving rubber strip on the side of it? The funny part is that you have choice–you can either take the people mover or walk beside it. Do you want to be a lazy fuck or not?

Wheel chairs- I am talking about voluntary wheel chairs–not the kind that they give to people born with baby tyrannosaur arms and stumpy legs. When I see a morbidly obese person in an electric wheelchair in a mall I think to myself: What was so wrong with HSN that you had to drag yourself to a shopping mall where nothing will really fit you anyway? Is it because chic-fil-a doesn’t deliver?

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The Importance Of Being An Optimist

April 5, 2011

Its natural to have pessimistic feelings. Bad shit is bound to happen in life. Sometimes you may go through a dry spell where you think you will never get laid again. Sometimes you will have eaten a bunch of brownies and think that they are are defective, or have taken a bunch of quaaludes and wrapped your car around a telephone pole and then worry that KIA’s finance company will not fall for your charms again because you were lucky enough to get a car the first time with the 45,000 debt you owe the Home Shopping Network from watching their Diamonique Special on Madagascar Rubies.

In these instances its important to remember that life is hot and cold. When one door closes, another asshole opens. The sun will come out, unlike Oprah Winfrey. And there is always somebody in this world who has it worse. (Tara Reid.)

So just take a second to think about the good things in your life like friends, family, food, and fupas. And then take out your bag of HSN Madagascar Rubies and count your blessings. And then realize how much better you have it than the starving African children that mined for those rubies. And then, and only then will your brownies kick in.