Posts tagged ‘how to give oral sex’

We have all seen them, been around them, touched them, and rubbed them in our hair. Big Dicks are all around us, and chances are you are going to run into one at some point, possibly literally. You first instinct will be to put it in your mouth, but what if your mouth doesn’t open that wide? What if your gag reflex is so pathetic you vomit from using a toothpick? Here are some tips on how to S an over-sized D. You’re welcome.

Practice on a cucumber. Buy the largest one you can, cover it with some type of marmalade (this will make it more pleasurable) and repeatedly jam it as far into your throat as you can. If you vomit the first few times you are doing it right. If you swallow it, congratulations: Not only are cucumbers rich in many vitamins and nutrients, but you are more of a man than I am.

Stretch out your mouth by stuffing it with as many golf balls as possible. This exercise has other positive repercussions, as you will later find out when you date a foreign man and he demands you join the teabag party.

Think of something else, such as being murdered by a knife-wielding Mexican immigrant. If you are Read more…