Posts tagged ‘homeless people’
First off, let me clarify that we are talking about Disney’s version of Snow White, not Kristen Stewart. Pretty much the only things we can learn from Kristen Stewart is that you only need one expression to be an actress, perpetual boredom is a state of being, and Robert Pattinson is as smelly as he looks (otherwise she wouldn’t have cheated with some fugz director). That being said, I would still do Robert Pattinson. In the butt. Using Febreze instead of lube. Today we are kicking it old school though, and talking about the original gangster Disney version of Snow White. Listen up kids:
Don’t trust old people, especially ugly ones. If you are young and pretty, there is no way an old person is going to like you for your personality because frankly, you probably don’t have one yet. So if an old geriatric bitch offers you face cream (first look at her face and laugh) and then just say no. If she offers you food, make sure to check it for spit. Old people taste like shoe strings, split pea soup, and hard-knock life experiences- like The Holocaust.
Staying in a house with seven men, and seven beds is a good idea. Clearly they will never get horny and sleep rape you. Also, with 7 beds there is most likely no room for a Red Roof Inn complimentary cot, so you are going to end up essing some dees, and mattress-jumping like a bed bug in Brooklyn. The moral of the story is, use a tooth brush and destroy your gag reflex. You won’t need it where you are going.
If you are going to take a nap, do it in style. Glass coffin all the way. None of this refrigerator box in an alley bullshit that those bourgeois NYC homeless bitches pull.
Running away from your problems is Read more…
The City Bus Is Satan’s Mobile Asshole
Let me clarify by saying that I am not talking about the NYC city bus. In New York, the subways are more akin to Satan’s mobile asshole, as they are poorly maintained, covered in soot and sludge, and full of sinners and fornicators (myself counted amongst them). Maybe its because the only NYC bus I ever take picks me up on 5th Ave at The Park, but all I ever see there are pristine blue fabric seats and gentlemanly elder ladies offering me their seats. It also smells like Chanel #5. Yes, I dare to say it: The NYC bus system is like god’s ballsack.
But back to the real issue here. In all other cities except San Francisco, the public bus system is synonymous with the words : poor, defecation, homeless person, and bat-shit crazy. Riding a public bus in another city is like nothing else in the world. There is no place else where you can go and be simultaneously Read more…
