Posts tagged ‘halloween’
If I am like most people (I’m not). I am not the only person who randomly thinks of cool Halloween costumes throughout the year. But as soon as it is actually Halloween, I forget all of them, or I lack any type of creativity, initiative, or skill to pull them off. I’ve decided to show you a few of my past Halloween costumes and then tell you about my awesome ideas for this year. It’s not really even for your viewing pleasure. It’s so I can remember my ideas. Suckers.
Last year I was a gold digger. My friends were Desert Rose and Peg Bundy. We were in Salem.
Twinks are highly sought after commodities in the gay universe – they have sexy bodies and that cute boy next door look often with flowing locks of gorgeous hair. But what happens when twinks pass their prime, what happens when twinks grow up? I almost shed a tear when I be drinkin’ in the club and see some 40-year-old man that looks skinny enough to be last years Halloween skeleton lawn ornament with teeny tiny little booty shorts that have gotten sucked into the abyss of an overly worked out asshole.
Or how about that middle aged man that is losing his hair but tries to pull off the Justin Beiber look where you can clearly identify every single strand of stringy hair that is clinging on to his scalp for dear life! Or when you spot a once-upon-a-twink wearing so much concealer you can see it in crammed into to every wrinkled furrow. Diana Ross was wrong there is a valley low enough -and it’s on your face.
There comes a time in a twinks life wear he must make a decision to either become a full-fledged drag queen or man up and lock the glitter away forever. If not you might just end up looking like these poor souls below.
As lesbians are only creative when it comes to devising new and interesting ways to fuck with their ex-girlfriends emotionally, and creating new and interesting never-before-seen incarnations of the traditional mullet, Julia had no choice but to dress up this year as a version of herself. She calls this creation:
Franken-dyke whose girlfriend is on her period.
1. There is nothing really sexy about a unicorn. If unicorns existed they would just prance around all day farting glitter. They would be the worst kind of gay guy–the gay for the sake of being gay super flaming homo that insists on starving down to 100 lbs, subsisting on a diet of meth and parliament lights, driving a 93 Pontiac Grand Prix littered with old bags from McDonald’s, and being called Lil Mama while they are being pounded by a 37 year old jazz choreographer they met at a “video store”.
2. This guy looks like a catfish. If he was underwater and made this face he would be able to collect plankton without even trying. I am going scalloping today with my brother-in-law. If I see anything resembling this guy under that water I am going to set the Gulf of Mexico on fire. Read more…
To say that the pizza I was about to eat would fuck with my stomach would be an understatement. I didn’t feel like a human being again for at least a week.
No matter what I dress up as, I inevitably look like a mid 80′s version of Cher dressed in Bob Mackie castoffs.
This particular halloween, I fell down a flight of stairs in front of Lance Bass, and convinced my current beau to make out with my friend(who is a girl.) Then the next day I blamed it on my other friend(who is a boy).
That was the end of that relationship. But there were,will be, and are many more morning after disasters to come.