Posts tagged ‘getting drunk’
To Me, Sobriety Is Like Steroids
Sobriety is just like steroids because it is good for being productive, but just not that healthy. Here is what happens when you stay completely sober for more than 4 days.
Your brain starts working super-fast. You start discerning quadratic equations in your head. You start using words like discerning, because your vocabulary has suddenly increased by about 100,000 more words. You start talking like you just stepped out of the Encyclopedia Brittanica. You remember what Encyclopedia Brittanica is. You start realizing how much shit you actually have to do. You wake up earlier, because you need to be more productive, and are actually capable of waking up earlier because your brain isn’t simmering in a concoction of vodka sauce peppered with Goldshlager flakes (you forget how to spell Godlshlager, because smart people don’t drink that rancid shit…oh no, its happening to me now). You break out in hives because of all the things you realize you need to do. People avoid you on the street because you look like a leper, or Carrot Top’s puckered asshole. You have problems sleeping because of all the amazing ideas you are having that you just have to write down. When you do sleep, you have such vivid, amazing dreams that you spend your first hour awake writing them down, only to realize later that Read more…
A Gloganvlog Reflection: The First Time I Got Drunk
We all remember (or maybe not) the first time we ever got really drunk. Chances are, we took three sips of a Mike’s Hard and passed out on the floor, totally date-rape-ready. Or, if you were a badass like me, you decided to go balls deep the first time and start out with the good shit.
My memory is hazy in general, but here is what I remember from my first time getting drunk:
I had been stockpiling liquor in my bedroom for a while, ready to try it. I was in my teens, maybe 16 or something. I had hidden a bottle of vodka in the washing machine, a bottle of rum in my panty drawer, a bottle of whiskey behind my curtain and a bottle of gin under my bed. I have NO IDEA where all this liquor came from since my mom has only had 2 glasses of wine in over 30 years. I can tell you that I didn’t S anybody’s D for it, which is more than I can say for myself today.
The first time I do anything I want to do it with someone I trust. That actually goes for sex too, even though it doesn’t fit my character profile in the federal sex-offenders database. I invited my friend Chris over and we proceeded to take shots of one of each kind of alcohol. I think our plan was to shock our livers into getting ready for our future. All I remember after that is rolling around on Read more…
