Posts tagged ‘gay sex’
The Hangover Diaries: Gay Days 2012, Private Foam Parties, Gram Crackaz, And Tranny Blowjobs
The 3 people behind me are talking about how the lesbian in the ballcap got tittyfucked even though her nickname is “A Cup”
Gay Days this year was just too.many.things. In the interest of protecting my group of friends from all the debauchery that we got into, and also because frankly, I don’t remember all of who did what, I will be referring to everyone in an extremely vague way.
The official mascot of Gay Days 2012 (we elect one for every holiday) was Rose McGowan. I will explain that in a post later today.
So we started off the weekend in a torrential downpour (which never surprises me since god always makes it rain on gay holidays) so we ate at Planet Hollywood. When I walked in, drunk, they asked me if I was “wet” but I heard “white” so we started off on a racist note. We got shitfaced on Belvedere and nicknamed ourselves The Gram Crackahs. Then we checked into a fucking amazing super suite with panoramic views, 3 bedrooms, and a jacuzzi tub. A few of us immediately started popping adderral. I threw on the skankiest bathing suit I could find and headed over to the host hotel to hang out with friends. One of us started stockpiling adderrall on the first day. This lead to him/her singing songs by Elton John and/or The Lion King Soundtrack in the living room for hours and a bedroom drawer full of leftover pills (which is surprising since at one point, to rally, he took 7 of them at 9 AM).
At Parliament house before we started running away from the laser beams cause we thought they were gonna mess up our hair.
Several of us got super fucked up and hung out on the balcony until 7 AM, when we went inside and found that another one of us had overflowed (is that proper grammar? It was at the time) the jacuzzi jets in the bathroom. We all immediately jumped into the tub too and had a bubble fight. At one point, JMO swallowed a shit ton of bubbles and had a panic attack. Nadia and I just scoffed and said “Get yo shit togeffer squrl” which I am pretty sure is some version of gay ebonics, and kept drinking.
He lived.
You’re welcome JMO.
Those two strange bands of light on my leg are daylight. Day. Muthafuggin. Light.
Typhoon Lagoon was totally awesome this year. For those of you who don’t know, they open the Typhoon Lagoon water park at night, for a huge circuit party. It is unbelievable. One of us bought tickets for everyone ahead of time so we actually ended up with an extra (which we gave to a random person in line-hoping to buy our way into heaven, or at least off the one way train- track to AIDStown, USA). One of us made out with a super old guy in line who promptly removed all his clothes. In line. To purchase a locker, within which to put his clothes.
Two of us made a game of seeing if we could Read more…
A Gloganvlog Distinction: Twinks Versus Teenagers
I know that Abercrombie catalogues, pedophiles, and Bel Ami porn have done a lot to muddy this line, but there is a difference between twinks and teenagers. The problem is that all twinks are teenagers at one time, but not all teenagers are twinks. It’s like the age-old chicken egg dilemma except with way more poppers, manorexia, teenage exploration, and molestation.
Teenagers, for 0ur purposes are young adult men. Their voices may crack from time to time, and you will always find a hand towel beside their bed. If you drop this hand towel from a distance of 3 feet it will shatter into a million shards of DNA. You may also end up pregnant. Teenagers can have any body type from stocky to thin, and can dress in a variety of ways (as long as their clothes come from either Hot Topic or American Eagle). Teenagers are just mini versions of men, and will one day grow up to become doctors, lawyers, strippers, and wife-beaters. They can’t help it that their youth gives them a certain charm that older guys leech onto like lampreys.
Twinks, for our purposes are young gay men. Like supermodels, twinks only have about 4-6 years of attractiveness. The skinnier they are, the better so once a twink realizes the power they wield they do everything they can to say as thin as one of Rachel Zoe’s wheatgrass tampons. They typically have bleached hair and dicks that are incredibly Read more…
The Secrets That Gay Men Keep Up Their Asses
Gawker posted a nearly-perfect article regarding the secrets Gay men keep from Straight people. Topics include how fun it is to bottom (anywhere and anytime), doing poppers until we pass out from dizziness, and how we are eye-fucking every hot straight man we see.
Check out the list here and let us know: did they forget anything?
James Franco’s Younger Brother Has Gay Sex. With Himself
It is every red blooded American man’s dream to have gay sex with brothers. It is every red blooded Gaymerican man’s dream to have sex with himself. This video clip has changed my life. I have finally found the two brothers that I dream of cocking (that is James and Dave Franco in case you are either mentally retarded or Courtney Stodden). I have also seen Dave Franco just as god intended him to be: Riding the hershey highway downtown to pound town. Amen. To see the full video on Funny or Die, GO FUCK YOURSELF
Every Guy (Gay & Straight) Needs to Bottom
I must admit that I’ve thought the same thing (although I’ll never admit it…oops, busted via this post), it only makes sense. How can you say you don’t like something if you’ve never tried it? I like to live my life via the process of elimination. But we’ll chat about my dwindling friends list another time… in the meantime, watch and get educated – - all you butch strict tops and bossy bottoms.
I think I might have to stalk this dude… he’s my new (like there have been others) cyber crush. Not only do I lust after his seemingly perfect pecs but he just seems smart. And a total bottom.
“Slip N Slide”: Top 5 Lubes Reviewed
Let’s not beat around the bush boys (and I mean that literally and figuratively)… the difference between a hot encounter and a SIZZLING one is great lube. I’ll go so far as to even suggest that bad lube is a reason to kick a trick outta bed: I ain’t gonna get off when my balls stick to your a*s after every thrust, so let’s move on! But before I reveal the “top performers”, let me let you know how I tested these out:
ManCandy: US Census Edition – Interracial Love
I’m not sure if you’ve heard about the rivoting facts released last week by the US Census but it seems that mixed race couples are taking over (faster than expected!). We all know that opposites attract Read more…
