Posts tagged ‘gay marriage’
As common sense and rationale dictates, sensible arguments in opposition to gay marriage do not actually exist. In layman’s terms, that means that people who oppose gay marriage are ignorant, and don’t actually have a leg to stand on. And if they did, that leg would be outfitted in a shoe from Kmart manufactured from scrap pieces of leather made from dog hide in Mexico. Forward thinking Americans don’t stand in the way of progress, but lets pretend for an instance that they did. Here are several reasons to oppose gay marriage.
If gay marriage passes, straight marriages will be null and void, because husbands and wives everywhere will leave their spouses in favor of marrying the same sex. Obviously, because if you are already married you know how great it is, and will be clamoring to enter into another marriage asap with your tennis coach.
If gay marriage passes, the sanctity of the nuclear family will be destroyed, leaving countless children orphaned. This is especially true since the model of the nuclear family has worked out so well, as evidenced by the low divorce rates the US. Everyone knows that gays aren’t capable of raising children, since parenting has everything to do with who you have sex with, and nothing to do with your moral character or values.Achhem, I would be remiss if I didn’t include one phrase here: The Pope.
Gay marriage is an affront to everything this country was built upon. For instance, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Most of all, freedom. Everyone knows that rules and traditions exist for a reason. That is why women still can’t vote, and black people have to sit at the back of the bus.
Crime, Welfare, Slavery, Timberlands, and Queen Helene haircare products.
Just kidding, that was definitely racist.
Gay Rights: The whole Civil Rights Movement began when Rosa Parks decided she didn’t want to sit on the queef-infested seats at the back of the city bus. If you have ever ridden a city bus, I am sure you can relate, but imagine it without air conditioner and industrial strength deodorants. Buses back then must have smelled like the inside of Christina Aguilera’s spanx after couples night at Golden Corral buffet. In all seriousness though, its because she stood up for her basic human rights that we are able to do it too.
Beyonce: If the almighty Oprah Winfrey is willing to stick her nose so far up Beyonce’s ass it comes out bedazzled in Swarovski crystals, then America should follow suit. Beyonce is an inspiration to us all. Why? Because she is classy in a way that many celebrities aren’t, and no matter how far she gets in life, she doesn’t forget the small people (those backup dancers of hers at the Superbowl whose mics weren’t turned on). I was going to mention hair weave on this list, but saying Beyonce is kind of the same thing, right?
Sending the Ravens to the Superbowl: Lets call a spade a spade. Black people are better at sports. There, I said it.
Underwear: If Eli Whitney had never invented the cotton gin, we would all Read more…
I just couldn’t help myself. I know that this video is flying around the internet faster and harder than the furious fists of Ariel Winters’s momager (too soon? too young? too irrelevant?) but I had to cover it. The main reason I had to cover it? The salacious “bitch please” eyebrows scrawled onto this fiery latino’s forehead. These eyebrows need to be shared with the world at large.
The other reason? Its pretty fucking hilarious. Enjoy.
As you know, we try to stay away from politics as much as possible around here. This is because politics isn’t fun, although a lot of the time it can be funny (such as Mitt Romney’s recent “binder of women” comment, which made me about 150% sure he was actually shopping for Russian hookers). I don’t like talking about anything serious, but I do have a few words to say on the upcoming election, since its been shoved up my ass so far I can’t even walk on a treadmill at the gym without seeing some kind of debate.
Mitt Romney is the lovechild of Lyle Lovett and Sarah Palin. If you vote for him, you are voting for someone who obviously doesn’t really know what the fuck he is talking about. I haven’t even been monitoring his campaign that closely and I have already seen him fumble on his words, make contradictory statements, and offend 47% of the country. Right now we have someone in the White House who is finally following through with the promises he made during his campaign (After 4 years of trying to fix our shit-house economy and keep China from repossessing us). Do you remember the last time a president actually did followed through on a promise? If Mitt Romney is elected, we will end up with someone who didn’t really even make any concrete promises so far, because he has spent so much time backpedaling on the idiotic things that randomly pop out of his mouth.
Barack Obama has been good for the gays. Because of him, DADT was repealed, same sex partners have hospital visitation rights, and same sex marriage has been endorsed by the fucking president, which has never happened before. A lot of people think that we are just talking about gay people in this, but the truth is that Obama is standing up for a minority group. Gays aren’t going to win him the presidential election–we may mobilize, lobby, and add many votes to his numbers, but we are still a minority. The bigger picture is that Obama is standing up for the rights of every American, regardless of orientation.
When Obama first ran for office, I thought : Okay, cool. A black president. That’s never happened before. Now that I have seen him in action, I find myself thinking: Oh, cool. A president that follows through on his promises. That’s more rare than a fucking unicorn.
The United States are supposed to be a world leader, but when it comes to civil rights, there are a lot of countries ahead of us. Despite what anyone says, in 4 years Obama has made progress in a forward direction. Mitt Romney wants to revert back to old policies. Obama wants to move forward with new ones.
Which plan of action makes more sense for one of the most powerful countries in the world?
There are many people out there who still use the bible as factual evidence as to why gays shouldn’t be allowed to marry. To me, this is like using The Hunger Games novels as factual evidence of why people shouldn’t name themselves after plants. Did that make sense? Didn’t think so.
Christian extremists (and I use the word extremist because its entirely possibly to practice a religion without infringing on the rights of others) use their faith in God, and the faith in the bible as evidence that gay marriage is wrong. Do you know what I have faith in? That gay marriage will eventually pass, and all this will be a moot point. There is quite literally no possible way gay marriage will not become legal, barring something apocalyptic taking over, like zombies or Michelle Bachmann. My faith is based on the fact that it is a civil right, not a civil privilege to marry whoever you choose.
Faith can be a powerful thing. It can bring you back from the brink of some nasty situations, and provide you with the most important tool that life has to offer: hope. Faith without logic is only half of the puzzle though.
I don’t personally believe in God, but I do know that he wouldn’t have given humans the capacity for logic, if he didn’t intend for us to use it.
That would be like giving Helen Keller a pair of glasses. Sure, she might look nice in them, but she would still be fucking blind.
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If you notice, at the top of this photo it says that the NY lottery is 121 million–a sum that is to be stretched out for someone’s lifetime. If you read a little further, it states that in just one year, same-sex marriages have added 259 million the the economy of the city of New York. I am no mathematician, but it appears to me that slovenly third-world cities like Detroit, MI, Jacksonville, FL, and FUCKING California should probably jump on the bandwagon. But enough about politics–you don’t come here to read what you can Google. Here is a list of other advantages to allowing gay marriage:
You know all those horrible run-down neighborhoods where teenagers go to smoke crack and create prom night dumpster-babies? (Detroit–no offense but this one is aimed at you) Imagine if the gays came in, painted them up, hired some Home Depot landscapers (read: Mexicanos), and threw a coat of paint on them so fast the property values did a double take. Our country would turn into Wisteria fucking Lane, except with more Botox, and less hit-and-run murders. (R.I.P Despies)
Most right-wingers claim that their biggest issue with gay people is the promiscuity and sin. Do you know the easiest way to cure promiscuity? Marriage. Do you know how you stop people from “living in sin”? Marriage. So take a note from your own book (That one about that guy, with the beard, who climbed up a beanstalk and got crucified by a wicked witch that lived in a gingerbread house, or whatever) and allow gays the option to bind themselves to one person until death do they part (and by part, I mean sign up for a www.christianmingle.com account and get back out there on the dating scene).
Munty, hunty. I know New York is normally light years in front of the rest of the country, but money talks, and trannies walk (in heels, even). There is nobody with more dispensable income than gays, because we don’t have to waste it on diapers, singing lessons, school trips, and birth control. I believe that the number of gays that got married during the first year of legal same-sex marriages in New York is nothing compared to Read more…
Michael Warner, a friend of mine and founder of G3 Bachelors recently posted this screenshot from his google + profile of a comment someone named Alana Roberts felt the need to share. Here is my response.
First off, I have to say that there is nothing wrong with an unhealthy and/or deviant sexual addiction. How the Hell do you think babies are made?
Secondly, I think that its funny that someone would suggest Obama appealing to a minority group to win an election would ever actually happen. If you want to win an election, you wither appeal to the majority, or a minority group that all the other minority groups can relate to – not a minority group that is so diverse its like the biggest United Colors of Benetton Ad ever (also known as Angelina Jolie-Pitt’s family reunion photos).
Gay rights is the hot button issue right now – there is no denying that. It is a super smart move on Obama’s part to address it right now? Of course.
He’s a fucking politician.
But is his support of a long overdue civil rights movement, which aims to dole out the same rights to every human being in the US regardless of sexual identity or gender the right thing to do? Absolutely.
We don’t care about intent. Intent doesn’t mean anything without action.
And action creates change, regardless of intent.
So yes we are gay human beings. There are Read more…
As many of you may well know, One Million Moms is the bigoted organization that gave JCPenney Hell for using Ellen Degeneres as a spokesperson since she is a public figure that happens to be an openly gay woman. Now, they have come out against Marvel for depicting a gay wedding in a recent issue of Xmen. Their tirade is below:
“As a parent and a member of OneMillionMoms.com, I am extremely disappointed that you would use a children’s superhero character to help endorse same-sex marriage and glorify the homosexual lifestyle. It is disgusting that your company would participate in introducing sexual orientation to children when they are not equipped to understand what sexual preferences involve. Unfortunately, children are now being exposed to same-sex marriage and the gay lifestyle choice in your comic books. Gay adults do not need superheroes as role models. Your company is damaging impressionable young minds by placing these gay characters on pedestals in a positive light. As a Christian, I know that homosexuality is a sin. The Bible states this clearly in Romans 1:26-27. A comic book is the last place a parent would expect to be confronted with questions from their children on topics that are too complicated for them to understand. Issues of this nature are being introduced too early and too soon, which is extremely unnecessary. Please do the right thing and reverse your decision to have sexual orientation displayed to young readers. My decision to support your company and parent company depends on it. I look forward to hearing from you regarding my concern.”
I have decided to write a little open letter of my own:
Dear One Million (bad) Moms,
I don’t know where you think gay babies come from, but I can assure that one has never popped out of my asshole. Gay babies come from moms, like you, and the millions of others who have gone through intensive vagina-destroying labors to bring miracles into this world. I find it hard to believe that as moms, you can fight against the civil rights of anyone. You aren’t protecting the fragile sensibilities of our youth, you are lobbying against the rights of children. If one in every 10 people is gay, then 100,000 of your children are gay. They may not know it yet, and you may never find out due to your small-minded, outdated belief system – but the day that your child realizes he or she has feelings he or she can’t control for the same sex- feelings you don’t support and delusionally imagine don’t really exist I truly, truly hope that he or she finds some kind of positive role model, whether from support groups, social networking, or even comic books.
The whole gay thing Read more…
“Here’s the thing about rights. They’re not supposed to be voted on. That’s why they’re called rights.”
“What people do in their own homes is their business and you can choose to love whoever you love.That’s their business. It is no different than discriminating against blacks. It’s discrimination plain and simple.”
“I think President Obama is this generation’s Martin Luther Queen.”
There has been a lot of buzz in the media lately about gay marriage and civil rights. I never put too much thought into the subject because I always assumed that I would never get married. I always thought: “Where am I going to find a guy that is willing to deal with the difficulties that come along with being me? Binge drinking, sleeping late, and long vacations take their toll on a relationship.” The more I think about it though, the more it becomes apparent that laws against gay marriage say a lot more than: “You aren’t allowed to fall in love with some schmuck, then marry them, then get bored but realize too late that you have impregnated the sum-bitch, so you spend the rest of your 18 year marriage cheating indiscriminately on the side,” (at least that is the straight definition of marriage from what I understand). It says that we aren’t real people because we don’t deserve the same rights afforded other Americans.
I never really got that until now.
When I was growing up, being gay in the South meant something entirely different. You didn’t see gay people when you went out and about. You knew they existed, and they were tolerated, but you didn’t think of them as normal people. To this day, when I go back to my hometown with a boyfriend in tow, I find myself nervous about PDA and I shy away from wearing the clothes I normally wear (my sister murders me with her skinny jeans jokes). Does this make me a coward? Maybe. Acting and dressing a certain way became a method of self-preservation for me in the South, and old habits die hard.
What I have gained from living in New York for 5 years is that Read more…
I am not going to bore you with all the details, but I will paraphrase for those of you who need to fit this article, and some frenzied workplace bathroom masturbation into your break at the Best Buy stock room.
Basically, Professor John Boswell, the late Chairman of Yale University’s history department has discovered ancient Christian liturgical documents that describe same-sex unions, and ceremonies described as “The uniting of two men.” These ceremonies had all Read more…