Posts tagged ‘ettiquette’
When Grindr first came out, it seemed like a perfectly great way for gays to network, socialize, and yes- put it in each other’s butts without the use of unnecessary things like names or phone numbers. I admit I tried it. I admit I wasted A LOT of time on it. I’m not going to say I never hop on anymore when I’m bored but I don’t like to cut into my Pinterest time too much. Why not, you ask? Because I don’t think it works.
Grindr is an amazing idea, and a great concept. It makes a lot of things easier, such as getting a blowie from a stranger in a city where you don’t live. But for some reason, the ease of use makes it harder to actually make a connection. I have probably met 3 guys from Grindr and each time was a fucking disaster. I’ll admit that some times it was that the guys looked like methed-out three toothed extras from Straw Dogs–but the bigger problem is that meeting online cuts out one major component out of the process of meeting someone:
FUCKING CHEMISTRY. Chemistry is without a doubt the most important piece of the puzzle when it comes to dating, cocking, sucking, or ram-rodding (I made that last one up but watch and see–it’ll become a thing). When you meet on a social networking site, you normally Read more…
To me the word *nice* is not so nice.
Whenever I hear that someone is nice I assume they are really boring, crazy or want something from everyone.
The word actually comes from the latin word nescius Read more…
Its summer, which means we are all heading out to vacation houses–lands of the perpetual Jacuzzi. However keeping within proper guidelines of human behavior even when completely faced is important, so I have compiled a list of things you should not do while getting your stew on.
1. Fuck. I know it sounds romantic and all. But I don’t care if you are a woman or a man. If you get dirty jacuzzi water in your orifices you will get a burning yeast infection so ferocious you will never be able to grow pubes again, and on the off chance that you do have children they will look like an uncooked 25 lb Hillshire Farms Thanksgiving turkey.
2. Smoke Weed. Because it will fall into the jacuzzi. Not only a waste of money–but a surefire way to piss of whoever paid for it.
3. Eat. Because it will fall into the jacuzzi. Not only a waste of money–but a surefire way to piss of those African Aids Babies overseas that actually deserve to eat.
4. Drink out of glass containers. One false move and that glass ends up being shot around in the water by turbo jets intent on slicing your naughty bits–destroying you until you look like Rose McGowan after her “corrective surgery.”
5. Your Taxes. Jacuzzis were created for our enjoyment and relaxation–doing your taxes whilst betwixt roaring turbines of 100 degree water is a surefire way to stress you out so bad your glass eye pops a blood vessel, simultaneously straining your sphincter so hard you give birth to a stress-indeuced lincoln log.
Which is also that last thing that you should ever do in a jacuzzi. Take a shit.
You are welcome.